“Absent coercion, we are free. Freedom of the will, choice, the possibility of change, mean nothing more — absolutely nothing more than the absence of coercion. This means simply that we are free to change many things about ourselves. Indeed, the main facts of this book — that depressives often become nondepressives, that lifelong panickers become panic free, that impotent men become potent again, that adults reject the sex role they were raised with, that alcoholics become abstainers — demonstrate this. None of this means that therapists, parents, genes, good advice, and even dyspepsia do not influence what we do. None of this denies that there are limits on how much we can change. It only means that we are not prisoners.”
Why is this chapter relevant? Five reasons why:
• This book is about moving on beyond being a manager in corporate life. You ultimately want to manage and lead people (the next chapter) because that’s what leaders do. But, how do you do that if you can’t manage yourself?
• If you can manage your mind (thoughts, emotions, and feelings), body, and behaviors you will gain a lot of credibility and trust in the eyes of your team. They also won’t fear you (or your unpredictability/changes in mood) and instead will open up to you. That level of trust and respect will in turn unleash better communication and cohesion within the team. You may even be sought after as a mentor.
• If you are a superlative self-manager, you stand a much better chance of seizing opportunities along the way such as promotions, fulfilling roles, public speaking, mentoring, and so on.
• If you manage yourself, you become resilient and can better weather the inevitable challenges that come your way such as bad bosses, industry recessions, job losses, and so on.
• We started with knowing yourself (the previous chapter). The next logical and essential step is managing what you now know.
When I was young, the focus was on being a good individual contributor. When I became a manager, the intent was to manage others. Somewhere between the two I had to learn to manage myself.
What do I mean by “Manage Yourself”?
It covers matters like managing your career, getting a coach, establishing your identity, controlling your circle, being interesting, staying physically fit, developing your own views, talking about your achievements, and developing your unique talents.
It’s like building the ship before sailing into the rough and unpredictable waters of the open ocean.
Let’s start.
I swear many manage their careers like they are sleepwalking their way through it.
There is no other way to describe it. It’s like they have handed over control of their working lives to an autopilot and they trust the system to make sure their career doesn’t stall.
But, just like an autopilot, it must be programmed correctly in the first place and often you need to grab the controls because it’s only a system.
Here are some signs that you are stuck:
1. You have been in the same position in the same firm for an unusually long time. Like Karim, a CFA charter holder and former student of mine who’s been at the same bank doing the same work in corporate banking for the last decade, although he told me he’s always wanted to leave and enter asset management.
2. You have spent too long in a specific career. One of my biggest regrets is spending too much time in audit, first a year with a firm in India and then five years with the Big 4 in the GCC. I wasn’t excited about that career and if I look back, I don’t recall ever trying hard enough to change careers.
3. You are so out of touch that you are not even aware of the options that exist outside of what you are doing now. Even if you are aware of such options, you discount those as infeasible and/or unattractive.
4. You haven’t achieved the goals that you set for yourself many years ago. Like Karim above who still harbors dreams of being a top analyst or fund manager.
5. You find that you are always too busy to work on career-related initiatives such as updating your resume, updating your LinkedIn profile, connecting with others in the industry, asking for advice, and so on. Karim knows me well yet till the day he called me he had never approached me for career advice even once in the 9 years I’ve known him.
6. Your peers keep moving up in their careers relative to you and you have missed several opportunities.
7. You can’t recall the last time you attended a networking event or talked to a recruiter.
8. You don’t have a mentor or career/executive coach and you’ve never felt the need for either.
9. Although you know you are stagnating in your current role you are too comfortable with where you are.
1. Most of the time your employer doesn’t really care about your career. All you are to them is a skilled and loyal resource. So don’t expect HR to regularly track a file marked “X’s Career.” Grasping this harsh reality should be the beginning of change.
2. The reason you’ve been dragging your feet for so many years is most likely because your motivation to change is far less than the powerful force of inertia which is probably due to the comfort zone — familiarity with the current role, job security, and the steady pay. Unless you reset that equation by increasing your dissatisfaction (or your motivation) to such a level that it overcomes the inertia you won’t change. I have seen this so many times with my former students who keep telling me that they want a CFA-related career but do nothing to get there because they all have jobs that pay decently. Ask yourself how badly you want that career.
3. You must actively manage your career because otherwise things won’t just happen. Hope is not a strategy. Elements of active management include the following:
• Talking to recruiters to understand the job market.
• Networking with industry experts.
• Standing out as a thought leader in your chosen field.
• Speaking at or at least attending industry events.
• Polishing your LinkedIn profile and upping your activity on that platform.
• Acquiring the skills (soft or hard) for that role that you are chasing.
• Getting a coach or mentor.
If you are a mid- or senior-level executive, how exactly can a good executive coach help?
I have coached quite a few senior professionals and below are my views on how a coach can help transform your career:
I’ve talked about self-awareness many times in this book, and coaching is an effective and efficient tool to get to the core of who you are.
Why is this so important?
Because this is where your transformation begins. One of the invaluable by-products of self-awareness is that you know your values.
If you don’t know who you are and where you belong, then you are lost. Knowledge of your values and purpose also gives you a lot of courage, indispensable for a leader.
“Treat yourself as you are, and you will remain as you are. Treat yourself as you could be, and you will become what you should be.”
If you are self-aware, you’ve won half the battle.
What a coach can do: you will find more about yourself as you talk to the coach and you answer some searching questions about what is dear to you, what makes you come alive and where you fit.
A lot of the time we operate with biases and assumptions that we take for granted and these can derail your career. An illustrative list of biases:
“I am technically highly qualified with the BTech/CA/CFA/MBA and that’s enough learning for me.”
This belief is often career limiting because as you go up the ladder it is less about domain expertise or knowledge and more about your people management skills. After a stage, most people don’t care whether you have a bachelor’s or master’s level degree or qualification.
“I am way smarter than most in my company and that’s more than enough to get me to the top.”
Another career killer is when you overrate smarts. The issue here is that you will most likely underrate people skills, which are critical for leaders.
“There is a maximum I can reach.”
I find this particularly tragic because you assume a limited set of opportunities that is often based on your little world.
I should know because I operated under this assumption growing up in a small town in India in the 1980s. I could easily relate when comedian Trevor Noah said, “We tell people to follow their dreams, but you can only dream of what you can imagine.” No doubt he said that based on his own experience growing up a mixed-race kid in appallingly racist apartheid South Africa where he couldn’t aspire to the education and careers that white children could easily achieve in a world that was designed only for white people.
What a coach can do: the coach can challenge such biases and assumptions and open a new world of possibilities.
Are you your own worst enemy when it comes to your career?
Sometimes a lot of the assumptions and beliefs I talked about above turn deadly and become saboteurs.
Saboteurs are thoughts where you hold a negative view of yourself and hence cripple your ability to move forward. They cause all your stress, anxiety, self-doubt, frustration, restlessness, and unhappiness. They damage your performance, well-being, and relationships.
Typical saboteurs in the professional lives of some people I know:
• I am not good enough for that company so there is no point applying.
• I am a perfectionist, and I don’t have all the qualifications and skills for that career, so I am not going forward until I am a 100% fit for that career.
• They will think I am an idiot if they read this so I will not post anything on LinkedIn.
• I couldn’t do it before, and I will fail again so I am not even going to try.
• No one will listen to me if I speak up at the meeting so I will shut up.
• I don’t deserve this raise/bonus/promotion/role, so I won’t even ask.
• I come from a minority (non-white, woman, etc.) and there is no way they will hire me or accept me in their circle at work.
• I can’t manage any new responsibility, so I am choosing not to ask for (or accept) a promotion.
Much of the sabotage is not only self-inflicted but also without valid basis.
What a coach can do is examine each saboteur dispassionately and try to dismantle it with the benefit of an unbiased, external perspective. Most importantly, you will learn how to look at life not from a perspective that’s negative, cynical, and that holds you back but from a perspective that is realistic and forward-looking.
Many of us surprisingly hold a dim view of ourselves and can’t quite believe that we have what it takes.
For example, from time spent observing them in and out of class over many years, I know that many of my former CFA students who are mid- and senior-level executives have quite a few strengths. They are articulate, bright, resourceful, diligent, well connected, analytical, methodical, persistent, can sell, and so on. A few skills they have are rare (e.g., large number of connections, selling skills). Some of the skills they possess have lot of value outside their current employer or career.
Yet many of them aren’t aware they possess valuable skills because neither themselves nor anyone at work ever recognized these skills as important. Over many years, these skills were simply taken for granted. They assume that everyone else they know have these assets (network, knowledge, skills, and behaviors.)
Incredible but true.
“At the center of your being
you have the answer;
you know who you are
and you know what you want.”
It’s critical to know your strengths and transferable skills because then you know which game to play and which to ignore.
What a coach can do is look at what you’ve done, your personality and skills, and connections and then tell you what your strengths are. There’s also the priceless confidence boost when you hear these things from someone unbiased and experienced.
This often comes up with my coaching clients when they are considering career changes.
Many get sidetracked into irrelevant issues and don’t see the situation for what it is. That’s a dangerous situation because you can easily make a stupid and costly decision when your inputs are garbage and hence your decision-making is flawed.
One situation where you must seek advice is when you are thinking of jumping jobs or quitting one career for another.
What a coach can do is also what I do, which is to take a few steps back and ask a few questions:
• Do you really understand this new opportunity?
• Is the new job offer in sync with your core values?
• How is it really different from your current job?
• Are you overvaluing the pros and undervaluing the cons of the new job?
• Is your decision emotionally driven because you had a bitter, recent fight with HR or your boss?
• Are your comparisons with your peers and friends even valid? For example, you made a bold and unusual lateral career move whereas they stayed put and of course they have moved faster in their respective careers.
• Are you sure that you can handle the life of an entrepreneur when you are a sensitive, low-profile, soft-spoken person who prefers the world of ideas to execution?
The old practice of doing your job and keeping your head down doesn’t work that well anymore. As an experienced professional, you must be out there and if you are not visible you might as well not exist. And, if you are looking to change careers or jobs, visibility is not a luxury — it’s a necessity.
Personal branding and executive presence are paramount. What a coach can do is help you build and maintain a powerful brand that helps you stand head and shoulders above many in your field.
Another role for the coach is to once in a while step in and restore the self-belief of a client.
Whether due to harsh upbringing and/or subsequent negative experiences, many who I know suffer from a lack of self-esteem. They believe they aren’t good enough and can’t and shouldn’t hope for much.
What a coach can do is also what I do:
• I don’t do it by trotting out soothing but meaningless words.
• What I do is to remind them of their strengths and successes.
• This is because by then I know them so well — most people find it easy to open up to me.
• I retrace their steps one by one, tell them about the many personal and professional challenges they’ve tackled along the way, from messy relocations and jerk bosses/colleagues to multiple CFA exam failures and the struggles with many saboteurs. “You’ve done all that and should be proud of yourself,” is what I say.
• It works most of the time because they all know what I say is fact based.
Now that I have established the importance of a coach, how do you get the right coach?
Everyone and their uncle wants to become a coach. Because this is such an unregulated field, pretty much anyone can set up shop and call himself or herself a leadership or life coach and they do.
Result? Social media is crawling with mentors and coaches, many suddenly emerging from the woodwork and eagerly peddling advice that ranges from the harmless (e.g., “the universe will conspire to make things happen”) to the dangerously misleading (e.g., “I will change your life if you attend my course or buy my book.”)
Their shtick is seductive, thanks to the magic of Instagram (and an expert photographer and makeup artist!) that makes them look and sound “cool” and “amazing.”
This is my list of basic (and easily verifiable) Q’s to ask a “coach”:
What exactly is your relevant education?
No, you don’t need a PhD.
But, there are quite a few rigorous and globally respected certifications and qualifications such as accreditations from the ICF (International Coaches Federation), ACC (Association of Certified Coaches), EMCC (European Mentoring and Coaching Council), or the UK-based ILM (Institute of Learning and Management) from where I got my executive coaching qualification.
Or is it that the only education that a coach has is a Bachelor’s in commerce or engineering?
The above coaching credentials aren’t easy. They are all rigorous and well respected. All of them require you to read and write critically on psychology and coaching plus put in many practice coaching hours.
2. Experience
What were you doing before you became a coach? I believe strongly that the coach must have had relevant prior exposure.
If you’re a start-up coach, you must’ve been a successful entrepreneur. If you’re a career/executive/leadership coach, you must have been a leader in corporate life and successfully managed people and projects. Period.
There are no two ways about it. Despite what many coaches say, I believe that experience in a field helps more than it hurts. True, some executive coaches are so intuitive that this experience may not matter but such coaches are as rare as snowflakes in the Sahara.
If your only experience is helping your dad run the small family trading business, it doesn’t count. Knowing how to navigate your way with a trolley down the aisle of a Boeing 777 at 35,000 ft doesn’t give you the experience or expertise to be an executive coach either.
3. Expertise
What is their niche?
The world is a complex place because people are extremely complex. Plus, it’s extremely tough to master multiple major domains such as relationships, start-ups, and careers. So, you can’t be everything to everyone — life coach, career coach, business coach, executive coach, and relationship coach.
A jack of all trades won’t do and is simply a joke. And yes, expertise must be connected to your experience.
4. Authenticity
Do they practice what they preach?
Or, are you a clone of the “mindfulness coach” I know well, who keeps looking at her smartphone every few minutes for no good reason during meetings and is sensitive, hateful, and inflexible in private?
Or like the “simplicity and sustainability coach” who (thanks to inherited wealth) lives in a five-bedroom mansion, skis in Switzerland, and has a fleet of luxury cars?
Hypocrisy and inconsistency are so common that it’s almost an industry trait.
Spend some time talking to a coach and check out his/her social media profile for better perspective. Also ask around.
5. Results
Talk is all fine but what have they delivered so far?
People change slowly over time, hence coaching and mentoring rarely yields quick results. So, ask them for their long-term track record. And while they are at it, ask them for a few client references. If they don’t have either (understandable if they’re new to coaching practice) then let’s at least talk about numbers 1–4 above.
Look, you wouldn’t consult a doctor, trainer, or financial advisor without strong word of mouth and asking some searching questions, would you? You wouldn’t even buy a smartphone without asking around and analyzing the pros and cons.
Then why would you blindly trust someone on a hugely important aspect of your life such as your career?
Five criteria. Choose well.
The previous section was on the importance of coaching. Let’s now talk about the implementation aspect — how to get the best out of your coaching experience.
I added this section because:
a) People often confuse coaching with something they are more familiar with like mentoring, training, or counselling and
b) Once you have the right expectations, the coaching experience becomes far more effective.
When I refer to “coach” in the below text I am referring to an executive coach.
1. Coachee dos
Do:
• Be clear on goals/outcomes. You must be clear on what exactly you want from the coach. Yes, this may change as the coaching progresses based on what you discover about yourself and your environment but at least have 1–3 goals up-front.
• Be coachable. The coach is a busy person and won’t beat about the bush, hence his advice may occasionally come off sounding harsh and unsympathetic. This is part of the territory so be resilient and please don’t be a sensitive flower who takes every other word as a personal affront.
• Take responsibility. It’s your career and your life not the coach’s. The onus, hence, is on you. You need to suggest meeting dates, take notes, follow up and, most importantly, act on what has been agreed with the coach. There are few things more frustrating to a coach than a coachee who doesn’t act.
• Practice self-reflection. After every session think carefully and dispassionately about the discussion and what you have learnt from it about yourself.
2. Coachee don’ts
Do not:
• Be passive. It’s your career, and you’ve to take charge.
• Ask for advice outside the scope. The coach is an expert in a few areas and it’s naïve to bug the coach with queries on unrelated areas. If you are engaging with a coach for your career, it may not be clever to ask him for relationship or financial advice.
• Stay in your comfort zone. Yes, it’s quite tough to tear yourself away from a familiar job/city/career and to change deeply embedded habits. But, that’s why you have the coach. The coach is like the guidance system for your rocket, and he will tell you what you should do so that you aren’t like one of Kim Jong Un’s dud missiles and end up at the bottom of the ocean. If you refuse to leave the launch pad, the coaching is next to useless. In fact, the coach will probably disengage if this happens for far too long.
• Commit to obligations you cannot keep. It’s easy to feel overawed by the coach and agree to everything. Don’t do that because that’s a recipe for frustration on both sides later. Know your limitations (time, energy, learning capacity, skills, etc.) and plan accordingly.
• Bottle it up. Be open and honest up-front. The coach is not a mind reader and hence will have no idea about all the “below the tip of the iceberg” stuff such as your values, fears, limitations, hopes, etc.
As an ex corporate warrior, ex entrepreneur, and executive coach, I’ve dealt with so many mid-level and senior executives who have little or zero identity apart from their career.
If you ask them “tell me about yourself” the immediate answers are likely to be “I’m a Manager/Advisor/Senior Manager/VP/MD/Director/Partner at XYZ Co.” They’d also probably add “CA/ACCA/CPA/CFA/MBA/Banker/Engineer/Lawyer.”
What you are effectively saying is that the complex human that is you is fully described by just three variables — title, education, and employer. That’s it.
“But Binod,” you say, “what else can one say in a professional setting?”
That’s not the point. I am not recommending that you grab your listener by the collar and spell out in excruciating and unnecessary detail everything about you.
My query is, “Do these three variables describe you fully or is there something more?”
I should know — till my late thirties I was a loyal member of this tribe of people without a standout personality or identity.
I also used to get frustrated and depressed because something wasn’t going well at work — like a terrible boss, a boring job, a missed promotion, or a nasty colleague.
Now I realize I was overreacting to the usual career stuff.
More importantly, the awful realization has hit me now that the chief reason I was overreacting was because work was the only thing I did.
Back in the day my only raison d’etre was work — my life was like this:
• My waking hours (8.00 am to 8.00 pm) were taken up almost exclusively by work
• I had very few friends
• I never exercised
• I had little or no interest in travel
• I never took a holiday
• I wasn’t interested in any sports or adventures like running, cycling, hiking, or mountaineering
• I didn’t network
• I rarely attended industry events
• I didn’t blog
• I rarely read good books
• I didn’t track the markets or invest in stocks
In short, in many ways I was almost the opposite of what I am now. People who knew me then say I’ve changed almost beyond recognition. Those who never knew me then find my story to be almost unbelievable.
In other words, Yours Truly was an uber dull person indeed.
The weird fact is that though we study and practice portfolio diversification in finance we rarely apply this in our lives. Many white-collar workers are unnaturally obsessed with just one thing (career) and have few or no extracurricular activities. Because that’s the way they have been brought up — focus on academics and grades, get a good job and look after the family to the exclusion of everything else since that’s what society (and Mama and Papa) expects.
Result? A highly concentrated and poorly diversified life.
I see many in their forties and fifties stuck in this kind of life and a discussion with them is only slightly more exciting than watching wet paint dry.
Let me list the many drawbacks of this extremely one-dimensional life:
1. If something happens at work, you’ll be devastated.
Whenever my career hit any turbulence, it hit me hard and I would then slip into a blue funk because I had nothing else of substance going on.
I distinctly recall one terrible phase when I found out that I wouldn’t get promoted but my better looking, surgically enhanced female colleague would be promoted before me (a reward she earned by working hard at smooching with and sleeping with our boss.) I got depressed and withdrew into a shell for many weeks.
2. Your network is limited
That’s a bummer if you believe (as I do) in the “your network is your net worth” memes that circulate on social media. I’ve talked about the criticality of networks earlier in this book.
If you are the Quid Pro Quo type, don’t think that you should shun the diverse bunch that attends your running, yoga, swimming, and so on sessions just because they have little or nothing to do with your field of work.
Heard of serendipity? The more interactions you have the more likely that you’ll get value from your network. Just connect.
3. Your creativity goes for a toss
I get many of the ideas that I blog about or that I cover in ‘The Real Finance Mentor’ podcast when I am at (or going to) the gym or engaged in some other physical activity. I’ll see or think of something, make some connections and come up with something I think I should share.
It does seem like exercise and the outdoors opens up the flow of ideas and this is of course not my imagination or a coincidence — there is a strong connection that’s backed by Biology.
Working out is one of many options. You could also get great ideas while gardening, painting, etc.
4. Being boring is deadly
If you are all work and no play you will be as dull as dishwater. You may think being interesting is merely a good thing to be and not that important.
Wrong!
I’ve got news for you. In a world where everyone has similar education and experience how will you stand out at interviews, etc.? Imagine walking into an interview where you are competing with many others for a coveted position. If the interviewers don’t recall you at the end of a long day of interviewing, you are toast. Everyone probably has a similar resume so what makes you stand out is your personality.
I talked to a top recruiter recently and he said one of the first things he looks for in a C-suite candidate is whether they are interesting or not. Whether you collect scale aircraft models, volunteer at your alumni association or coach underprivileged kids on weekends you immediately stand out and are memorable much after the interview.
Grab a hobby. The list is long and varied — working out, painting, gardening, dancing, reading, writing, astronomy, mentoring, teaching, volunteering, polo, cycling, and so on.
So Whiskey Tango Delta if your career has become too big of a part of your identity?
1. Review the way you work
Free up time for outside interests by delegating what you can.
Be careful how much you take on.
Review your efficiency. Many who slave in the office for 10–15 hours day in day out are by default unproductive thanks to the iron law of diminishing returns as there’s no way you’ll be consistently performing your best for that long. But, they often do this because they have nothing to look forward to outside work.
This goes back to the earlier section on values. Funny how often this pops up.
I say this because your values may tell you what to look for.
If one of your values is impact, then volunteering or mentoring may be a good fit. If a value is well-being, then a physical sport may suit you. If a value is creativity, then you may enjoy a creative pastime (painting, cooking, model aircraft building, writing fiction, etc.).
3. Relive your passions
You may not need to rack your brains to find a hobby.
Think about what you enjoyed when you were in school or college (please I beg you, don’t say “academics” or “movies.”) Stuff that naturally came to you. Stuff you slowly stopped doing because of the lame excuse of “life happened.”
Think of how alive you were then. You discovered your passion early and then you broke up with it but unlike your ex-es, it’s perfectly fine (and even necessary!) to re-connect with a hobby.
4. Movement can be a fun hobby
The benefits of regular exercise are not just physical.
There are also huge mental pluses. It’s a welcome break that will keep you active, focused, de-stressed, motivated, and prepared for anything. Whether you’re studying or working, you’ll gain immensely. It doesn’t even have to involve expensive gyms, demanding trainers or cumbersome equipment. You can walk, run, dance, box, cycle, do yoga, swim, and so on.
Find time and have a routine. Let movement be a hobby. Have fun and stay sharp.
5. Set expectations with the employer
Be clear with your boss.
If you start your next job by working 12 hours a day to please the boss that will become the expectation and any attempts to abridge this may be met with a frown, a clear “No” or sarcastic remarks of “half-day work.”
So don’t be a kiss ass. Have a balanced schedule from the beginning itself.
6. Know the work culture
Know what you are getting into before you sign up.
Do you have to stay late? Work on some/all weekends? Have to delay, cut short, or cancel your vacation if there is an urgent deadline? Does your boss look unhappy when you leave at 5.00 pm?
If the company’s work culture doesn’t allow any decent work–life balance, it’s tricky but one way is to think about that omnipresent fundamental — your values.
What’s more important to you? That’s when you find out your real priorities in life.
You can’t expect your employer to approve a 6-week hiking expedition in the Himalayas, especially if it’s in the middle of year-end closing or quarterly earnings season.
Be reasonable.
8. Incrementalism
Try hobbies that take up a little time each day before or after work and perhaps part of your weekend.
This is legally your time and the talking heads at work shouldn’t have an issue with it.
9. Rebuild your network
Remember the people you knew in school and college and all the jobs you’ve worked at? The people you hung out with? Perhaps, it’s time to reconnect. More about networking later.
“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.”
Many of us are obsessed with our “identity” and the traits that make up who we think we are. But, often those traits, a legacy from your past, can stop you from growing and ruin your future.
It happened to me, so I am intimately aware of this issue.
I once strongly believed that being a hard-driving, impatient, unempathetic, intolerant, tactlessly critical, and highly judgmental manager was my identity. I suspect this was derived partly from my nature and partly by observing some leaders I worked under. I even thought that without these traits I wouldn’t have any personality and would just be another anonymous human.
Result? I was disliked and feared by many in my team.
How the hell can you inspire and lead if your team doesn’t like or respect you?
I decided to change to become a leader, to make an impact. It wasn’t quick or easy because I strongly identified with the above traits, these habits. The journey was painful and humiliating because I was so enamored with that identity of who I was and perhaps I was trying to model myself like Steve Jobs who was my hero in those naïve days. I felt like I was selling out and that I would become a man without a strong personality or character by changing.
But, I had to admit I was terrible at several important things, and I now had to be open to feedback. Hence, my ego took a hit. The other big worry was the big uncertainty of who I’d end up being. I feared that I’d stray far from my “true character” and become someone else, someone who didn’t stand out and someone who would be unrecognizable to the many outside the company who respected me. Letting go was hard.
The transformation happened slowly, one step back for every two steps forward.
But, the rewards were worth it like when a junior staffer came up to me after a year and said, “You’re the coolest boss ever.” Employee engagement and productivity soared, and so did financial results.
My coaching clients sometimes ask me “Why should I change?” Well, sometimes the motivation is because you want to make an impact, to explore your potential. In the process, you may become a better person as well.
Let go.
1. Step back and have a holistic look at your personality
Set aside all and any irrelevant (but often deep-rooted) issues like your ego, fears, or doubts and ask yourself that fundamental question — is your attitude helping or hindering you in achieving your key goals? That’s all that matters.
My key goals were to be seen as a leader and to grow the company.
It was clear that my attitude was not only preventing me from being a leader but was affecting the company as well. Neither was acceptable to me.
2. Reflect on how you became this way
Usually, we develop our leadership style by unconsciously copying others, either parents or charismatic public figures (like Steve Jobs or Elon Musk) or (more likely) current or former bosses. It can also be a blend of the aforementioned.
The reason is that most of us never formally learnt leadership or management — we simply watched and learned on the job. The problem is that many of us had and still have terrible role models.
I know that I became a sort of a blend of several of my former bosses. One of them in particular. He was exceptionally bright, was extremely focused and hard working with a wicked, almost dark sense of humor. But, he was also unnecessarily aggressive, never bothered to build relationships, and lacked empathy. Some of that rubbed off on me.
3. Build your revised personality
This is the hardest part because you have to stop certain habits and start new ones. That can be quite tough given the combined effect of genetics and decades of conditioning that have become so deeply embedded as part of your personality.
But, you can try and make some major changes. I know I could.
As you continue your journey of transformation, seek and be encouraged by the feedback you get from the people that matter — juniors, bosses, peers, mentors, clients, coaches, etc. This positive feedback gives you confirmation that you are on the right path and gives the confidence you need.
4. Progress is never smooth
Your transformation process will most likely not be straightforward.
You will occasionally find yourself reverting to your old behaviors. You will occasionally make the same mistakes. The people around you (juniors and colleagues) will every once in a while be disappointed in you. You will beat yourself up about this recidivism. You will wonder if progress is even possible.
This is all normal and I know that because I went through the same experience.
This is like the not-infrequent turbulence that an airplane pilot faces. Yes, it’s unpleasant and even scary at times. But, the aircraft almost always makes it through. Why? Because the pilot expects this, because he knows it’s normal and mainly because he is determined and focused on continuing to fly the plane and landing at the destination. That’s also his mandate and that’s what all the passengers and the airline expect.
Be that determined pilot.
Sometimes you need to not just do the work but also talk about it.
I was talking to a professional who saw me as a mentor about her reputation as a “doer.”
Me: I’ve been told by someone we both know that you put your head down and get things done. It was mentioned in a positive way, as a compliment.
But, as I’ve told you before that’s not enough. The perception of you as a doer is good, but you should also be a talker. Because it’s not enough to do stuff, you’ve to show that you’ve done stuff. There’s a lot of competition and bosses have no time to get into who did what and when, hence only those who stand out will be picked up for plum jobs, promotions, and so on.
So stand up and speak about what you’ve done. It’s justified, it’s legit, and it’s required. Work on that skill. You’ve the substance, now add the style.
Her: I know and it’s something I’m working on. It’s so difficult because I’m just not used to claiming credit since I was brought up to think I should be recognized automatically and it’s unethical to talk about it. Thanks for highlighting it.
I see this a lot among middle and senior managers. Many are good at what they do but quite hesitant to talk about it.
There is a strong cultural context for this — Asians are typically less likely to mention their achievements, in sharp contrast to many in the West who talk a good talk.
There’s nothing wrong in claiming credit for what you did (in the right way, at the right time to the right person). Here are some solid reasons why being a “silent doer” doesn’t help:
1. Your colleagues are busy taking care of themselves and don’t really care about sharing or giving credit to the hard-working but shy nerd. Many companies have a highly competitive, dog-eat-dog culture where it’s everyone for himself.
2. The loudmouthed sycophant in the team who did little will get more credit than is due. That’s blatantly unfair. We don’t want that, do we?
3. Managers are often too busy to notice who did what and especially when it’s a big team. Yes, I know they should, but they often don’t. You must understand that managers often have their hands full delivering on their personal KPIs, managing their managers and keeping their own jobs safe. If you keep quiet, your manager won’t know what you have achieved.
4. You’ll not get the role/projects that you’re best at because no one knows how good you are. Because you don’t get these roles where you could have showcased your talent, your visibility, learning and progress up the ladder all will be diminished or slower. This is one big downside of keeping quiet. That’s a loss for you and the company.
5. Thanks to increasing prevalence of work from home (or a hybrid working environment), you don’t share an office with your team/manager that often and bosses have far less visibility on what their staff is up to. If you stay silent on your achievements that makes you even less visible.
6. Your network will stay small as everyone is more attracted to someone who can engage with them. It’s simple— no one knows you exist unless you or your work becomes visible. By connecting with peers in other group companies (or departments within the same company) and talking about what you do, you become the de facto representative of your department that outsiders can connect with. The other plus is that you may get offered a better role by some of these outsiders.
This happened to me a few times. The first time was when I was a Deputy Manager working in a government-owned industrial bank and was highly visible as I worked closely with the Chairperson and Managing Director (“CMD”). The managing director of a smaller government company tried to hire me as the finance manager for his company, but my CMD shot down the idea (which was good for my career in retrospect.)
The second time was when I was Manager — Financial Analysis at a large and iconic government-owned property developer in Dubai. Since I ran the cash flow models and the project feasibility, I interacted regularly with all the business unit heads who were all non-finance chaps (mostly engineers), who knew next to nothing about finance and hence needed me. I explained the finance side of the business to them, and I was almost like their CFO/financial advisor. One of them, the CEO of the retail arm of the group, tried to lure me away as his CFO. This time the “No” came from me, again another good decision in hindsight.
Of course, for some it may be incredibly difficult to speak up because it’s not “natural” to them. For others it’s easier.
But, like I always say, choices have consequences.
Talk about it.
1. First, understand the implications (set out above) of keeping an unusually low profile. That should motivate you to emerge from your shell.
2. Start talking at one-on-one meetings (preferably with your boss) about specific achievements and get comfortable doing so in that environment. Listen carefully to his response because that will tell you, inter alia, what sort of achievements are important to him and the company. You may think you know but never assume. You may find that what you think is a big deal is not so for your boss and what you thought was inconsequential is actually important to him.
3. Now that you know what tasks and outcomes are important, talk about what you have achieved during your performance appraisals. Don’t assume that HR and your boss have a total recall of all that you did in the last year. List them down. Mention the time constraints you faced, the limited resources you were given, how difficult the client was, and what you ultimately achieved. Even better if you can put a dollar amount on your achievements.
4. Once you are okay with talking to your boss, talk selectively in a similar vein at larger meetings. A perfect opportunity for you is when the meeting leader says at the end “Does anyone have anything to add?” That’s when you jump in smoothly with your prepared points and have your quick say.
5. Learn how to speak about what you have done. A few pointers:
• Don’t be long-winded. People have no patience so try and be concise.
• Don’t get too self-congratulatory. Talk in a matter-of-fact tone and stick mainly to the facts and figures with a small dash of opinion.
• Add a bit of self-deprecation. You don’t want to look flawless and arouse feelings of envy or derision.
• Mention those who helped you. It helps a lot to make friends and allies.
• Learn to be a storyteller. This has a magical effect on your audience, and I talk about it later in this book.
• Humor helps.
6. Pay it forward. If you see someone who’s too quiet about what they have done, point it out. You may gain a friend and ally plus that person may in turn highlight what you have done. The beauty of reciprocity!
“I see men assassinated around me every day. I walk through rooms of the dead, streets of the dead, cities of the dead; men without eyes, men without voices; men with manufactured feelings and standard reactions; men with newspaper brains, television souls and high school ideas.”
I am a massive fan of the British Sitcom Blackadder. It’s a series of four BBC One pseudohistorical British sitcoms, plus several one-off instalments, which originally aired from 1983 to 1989.
In Blackadder II set in the Elizabethan era (and aired in the mid-1980s), there is a conversation between the devious and arrogant (but also witty) Lord Edmund Blackadder and his much-maligned manservant Baldrick. Blackadder is vainly trying to teach Baldrick how to count.
At one point, Baldrick simply repeats what Blackadder has just said. His Lordship isn’t pleased.
Lord Blackadder: “Baldrick please have a view. It’s so important to think!”
Fast forward a few centuries and Yours Truly occasionally used to have a similar experience while delivering CFA prep. Because my style of teaching was to ask and make them think. And, many students can’t or don’t think. They love spoon-feeding. I still recall a Level I CFA class on equity analysis where I was trying to get them to connect the risks of Tesla Motors with the discount rate and hence the fair value of Tesla Motors.
Tesla is far from an obscure company, yet it went on and on with me eventually answering my own question (the answer at that point in time was Elon Musk, who is not just the key man at Tesla, he was also prone to say and do the most awkward things that made the stock bounce around like a yo-yo).
And, all this lack of awareness in a program equivalent to a Master’s in finance!
The education system in many countries is partly to blame. Memorize. Regurgitate. Obedience. Conformity.
Decades of conditioning have made people scared of challenging the status quo or expressing an opinion for fear that they will be picked on, ridiculed, ostracized, or otherwise penalized.
The result? They repeat what you tell them. They don’t have a view.
But, forget education and CFA. Think of the below critical matters:
• How will they perform at work in investing if they don’t have a view of, say stocks, sectors, countries, and markets?
• How will they stand out at work if their views are the same as everyone else’s?
• How will they stay visible outside work, in their industry and/or location, if they are not seen as having expert views?
• How will they add value to employers and clients who are looking for innovative solutions?
• How will they manage in a world where many old theories, views, and solutions have become dangerously obsolete or are rapidly becoming so?
• How will they navigate their teams, departments, and companies through turbulent times when they don’t have a compass (i.e., view)?
Crucially, I believe that you can only become a standout leader if you have an informed and independent opinion of not just how the company works but also how the industry and the world work.
Have a worldview.
1. Watch the culture
Many companies operate on a top-down model where the boss is always right, obedience is paramount, and having a different view (or any view) is sometimes seen as tantamount to showing off, arrogance, or insubordination.
Some company cultures tolerate and even encourage you to express your views. Others are mini corporate versions of North Korea and the many Kim Jong Un clones that rule these places look upon such expressions as acts of treason or rebellion.
Read the temperature of the room before giving your view. It can attract you to your bosses and colleagues. Or it can be a career-limiting move.
2. Read deeply and widely
Yes, I know most people last read a book in college or during some postgraduate program like CA, CFA, or MBA and then bid adieu to reading long-form material. If you want to acquire in-depth knowledge, forget chats, posts, and articles and think of books. (More on books later.)
3. Listen to others
I am thinking of hugely influential public figures like Warren Buffet, Naval Ravikant, Ray Dalio, and Howard Marks and also authors and speakers such as Jordan Peterson, Adam Grant, Gary V, and Tim Ferriss.
The public figures I mentioned above are not only successful in their chosen field. What I like about them is that they are crystal clear in their concepts, compelling in their version of how the world works, and exceptional in the way they articulate their views to the wider audience.
All of them have written bestsellers. Tim Ferriss hosts one of the world’s most popular podcasts where he interviews some highly successful and interesting people (https://tim.blog/ podcast/).
You may not agree with everything they say but you will have to agree that they present their arguments quite well, and they make you think.
4. Keep track
Forget the daily news, which is mostly noise and focus on what matters in your field. Keep track of trends. For example, if you work in investing you should be up to date with the latest trends in monetary policy, fiscal policy, financial markets, and industry strategies and trends.
One question I was asked in a webinar was, “But, there is so much out there so how do I get the time to follow everything?”
Simple. Focus.
Take my example. In investing this is what I track:
• Country: United States and India.
• Asset classes: Only public equities (no bonds, commodities, real estate, or private equity).
• Market cap: Only large cap (no micro, small, or mid cap).
• Company profile: Profitable, established, well-managed companies with a moat (no sexy, fast-growing tech company).
• Sectors: Technology (software), retail, health care, consumer discretionary, consumer defensive (nothing strongly cyclical which means no banks, energy, industrials, materials, etc.)
• Policies: Any policy significantly affecting the above.
5. Start researching
Once you have formed your opinions, start digging. Pick your favorite topic/s, do some research.
Why?
Because by researching you’ll become knowledgeable about a sector and/or company. The regular research also means you will be up to date with the latest changes in policy, company performance, and so on. And, by reading about new areas, different perspectives, the various pros and cons, you will slowly start forming your views.
6. Present your opinion
Once you have done your research, write a blog or (even better) simply post on LinkedIn.
Critically, when you write your thoughts usually get fleshed out and become concise and clear. Once you see your views in black and white it may provoke a rethink and a rewrite, making your opinion even more readable and compelling.
7. Thought leader
Welcome to this wonderful, transformational journey. Because this is the start of you becoming a thought leader.
Do you know that journalists often ask experts for quotes or sound bites to include in their articles or videos? That’s because such quotes make that piece of media content more readable, quotable, and more believable. Of course, you want to be that expert.
How? By writing. So that you are always visible and searchable for the journos enabling them to find you when they are researching on specific topics for their next piece.
And, who knows if you like writing so much perhaps there is a book in you.
On Google, search for “Leaders who read a lot” and you’ll be surprised by the results. This is what I found:
Bill Gates reads 50 books a year, or approximately a book a week. Most of the books he reads are non-fiction and deal with public health, disease, engineering, business, and science.
In 2015, Mark Zuckerberg promised to read one book every other week, “with an emphasis on learning about different cultures, beliefs, histories and technologies.”
Oprah Winfrey has been running Oprah’s Book Club since 1996. Winfrey has called reading “her personal path to freedom.”
Dallas Mavericks’ owner Mark Cuban reads up to 3 hours every day, mainly to learn more about the industries he works in and to get the competitive edge. Cuban has said this approach was highly effective at the start of his career.
A young Elon Musk was reading science fiction novels for up to 10 hours a day. He still credits a passion for books for his vast knowledge about rockets. When asked how he knew so much about rockets, he said, “I read a lot of books.”
I could go on and on, but you get the point.
They say knowledge is power. Hence, to become powerful you need access to knowledge.
These days there are so many easy ways of accessing this. You can:
• Talk to people virtually.
• Attend conferences virtually or in person.
• Sign up for a webinar (so much the rage during Covid times that most of us now have Zoom fatigue).
• Listen to conference calls and podcasts.
• Read articles online.
But, nothing beats reading a book. What’s so special about reading you ask?
Let me tell you:
1. Improves focus
To get the most out of a story in a book, you must fixate on the flow, the concepts and complete the book. By doing this, your brain forms deep connections and practices concentration.
2. Enables learning from great mentors
There are many wise folks out there, but you may never get to meet them. Solution? Books!
I can’t even begin to tell you the precious, life-altering stuff I have picked up from the likes of Naval Ravikant, Ray Dalio, Morgan Housel, Jordan Peterson, and others.
3. Offers distraction from troubles
Two decades ago, the English satirical novelist Tom Sharpe was my savior with books that were witty, often outrageous, always acutely funny about the absurdities of life, and often reminded me of my jerk managers at work. I would immerse myself in Sharpe’s books right after coming home from work, and also before heading to another stressful and grueling workday.
4. Are omnipresent
Whether you had a good day or a bad day, whether you are traveling or at home, books are utterly reliable.
5. Develops empathy
It often changes your view of others, perhaps because you now understand them better.
For example, I read a lot of history and now I can sympathize with the Native Americans, Aborigines and others who were easily defeated and enslaved by the invading white man. It wasn’t laziness, stupidity, or ignorance. For thousands of years, the natives were nomads living off the land. They never generated surpluses and hence never needed a strong state, a currency, technology, weapons, or an army.
6. Are portable magic
Books are your quickest bet to instantly travel to a new place.
The best travel writers such as Pico Iyer, Colin Thubron, P.J. O’Rourke, and Paul Theroux have a keen eye for the absurd and have the remarkable ability to deftly evoke in a few words the many exotic places and colorful personalities.
7. Broadens your view
They bring in so many perspectives and influence the way we see the world, broadening our worldview. This definitely helps if you can’t or haven’t traveled outside your country or haven’t directly experienced much in life.
8. Makes you a better writer
When you read, your brain absorbs good writing techniques. In your own writing, you will unconsciously learn from the writing styles of books that gripped your attention.
9. Improves your conversational skills
Reading gives you vocabulary and knowledge, two powerful communication tools. You are never at a loss for words, and you will always have something interesting to say.
This is often useful not just at parties but also at job interviews and meetings. You can connect faster and better with strangers.
10. Increases your knowledge of history
This is what I have learnt from reading history:
• You understand the current reality much better because now you know the origins
• You learn how we can avoid the mistakes of the past
• You learn about our shared past and that there is more that connects than divides us
• You are better able to connect the dots in the past and in the contemporary world
• You get inspired by how some people survived and even thrived against the odds
• You may even be able to predict broadly what can and can’t happen (e.g., stock market history, demographic trends)
• You learn the great truth that nothing (not kingdoms, not cities, not palaces, not even doctrines) lasts forever. The huge and fierce Mongol empire lasted a mere 153 years, from 1215 to 1368
11. Challenges your imagination
As you read, you put yourself in the characters’ shoes. Your brain goes beyond the words on the page, imagining details such as appearances, emotions, and surroundings.
I often do this when reading books on travel or history. What would I have done in that situation? Would I have been that bold, that honest? It sometimes makes you question (and often become intimately aware of) your values, traits, beliefs, and behaviors.
12. Increases your skill
This is one major reason why people read. To do better at a hobby or at work.
As a case in point, one of my passions is high altitude hiking and mountaineering. I read almost any book on this topic not just for the vicarious adventure but also with the hope that I may just pick up a few tips from the climbing greats.
13. Is a leadership tool
The below books changed my perspective and inspired me, inter alia, to develop my soft skills and be a better people manager:
• Atomic Habits by James Clear
• Primal Leadership by Daniel Goleman and Annie McKee
• Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman
• What Got You Here Won’t Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith
• The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***K by Mark Manson
14. Boosts your intelligence
When you read a variety of books, you are gaining more information, better vocabulary, and better focus. Books can also dive deeply into topics compared to other mediums, like articles. This gives readers a more comprehensive understanding and makes them smarter.
15. Helps you sleep
Come bedtime, remove the smartphone or laptop, since blue screen light can interfere with your circadian cycle. Replace with a book. I have been doing that for some time now and trust me you will fall asleep earlier. Don’t read anything that requires your brain to exert too much. I usually read something light, like a humorous book.
16. Improves your memory
If you are ever to make sense of what you are reading, you need to remember things like the names of characters, dates, the sequence of events, concepts, or other information. This amps up your memory cells. According to the Alzheimer’s Society, reading “challenging books” is a great way to keep the mind sharp.
If I am reading a book, I force myself to recall at least some of what I read over the past few days. I also underline key sentences or phrases when I read to get that tiny extra edge in later recall. After I read, if it’s a relevant book for my audience, I flip through the pages, look at what I underlined and write a summary which I post on LinkedIn.
1. Think of the many benefits of reading that I listed above. That’s a lot of motivation to start reading.
2. Pick up a book on something you are passionate about whether it’s blockchain, yoga, or stocks. Don’t pick up a book simply because your friend recommended it or it’s a current bestseller or it’s in the news.
3. Set a target of X books per year. I am a fast reader and hence usually read between 40–50 books annually. But, it’s not about quantity rather the quality. Start small.
4. Don’t read multiple books at the same time. I used to do that and often rarely ended up finishing any book. Ditto for the few friends of mine who still do that. Focus.
5. I love the look, feel, and smell of the printed book and don’t use any other medium to read. But, I suspect I may be old fashioned. Feel free to use Kindle or audiobooks, which have the big advantage of being portable.
6. Use idle time to read. I usually carry the book I am currently reading. So, whenever I am in waiting mode (at a government office, for the doctor, for a flight, etc.) or in a long commute I fill the time by reading and not scrolling through my phone.
7. Use what you read, in a LinkedIn post, blog, job interview, coaching/mentoring session, office discussion, or in a public presentation. When you do that reading will suddenly be relevant and important and not seem like a chore/waste of time.
8. Share the essence of what you’ve read with interested people — relatives, friends, colleagues, and clients. It has multiple benefits. You are sharing knowledge plus encouraging others to read and also creating a small circle of book lovers. You may also be seen as a thought leader in your circle, the go-to-guy in a specific field.
You are the company you keep (and the company that keeps you). You must manage the crowd that you hang out with. Your circle can make or break your career and life, and you won’t even realize it till it’s too late.
I was recently talking to someone in his thirties. His biggest regret was choosing to mix with the wrong group right from high school. Some of his classmates (in another group) were much more focused, scored well in school and college, did their MBA from the United States, and got top jobs and were doing extremely well in their careers. His career is currently languishing as a salesman. The thing is he didn’t know what he was capable of and what the opportunities out there were. No one told him.
I can fully relate to that. My own academics languished, and I was drifting between the age of 16 and 19 years because the few connections I had were academically average and were more interested in listening to pop music, reading trash fiction, chasing girls or watching movies than being curious or diligent about education and career paths. The fact that I grew up in a sleepy government town (Trivandrum in South India) in pre-liberalization India at a time when the internet was nonexistent, didn’t help.
Result? Failure in the engineering and MBA entrance exams and all I had to show after 3 years was a second-class bachelor’s degree in commerce from an average college. It’s without doubt the lowest point of my life so far.
Look around you. Who are your best friends? Your closest colleagues? Your near relatives? Your favorite social media pages? Be completely honest.
Are they helping you? Are you moving ahead? Or are they hindering you, feeding you daily with negative, biased, illiterate, risk averse, distracting, restrictive, or conservative bullshit and dragging you and keeping you down with them?
Look at the people around you and ask yourself these eight questions:
1. Are they mostly people of the same nationality/education/ethnicity/religion/political beliefs?
2. Do you find yourself agreeing with most of what they say or do?
3. Do you find yourself part of the special “in group” and everyone else is part of the alien “out group”?
4. Are the majority of your juniors a bunch of sycophants who are too scared to give you honest feedback on your behavior as a manager?
5. Does your boss support you and give you meaningful feedback?
6. Are most of your friends and colleagues genuinely happy for you when you achieve something they haven’t?
7. Are your friends and colleagues in their respective comfort zones, the types that discourage or never even talk about any change of skills, attitude, or career?
8. Is this what most of your connections usually talk about — whine about management, complain of overwork and incompetent clients or colleagues, house rent, school fees, planned (and past) holidays, the latest on Netflix/Prime, the commute, and marital issues?
You are smart enough to know the correct answers. But, if any/some/all of your answers differ from the correct responses, that’s a problem. That should make you think.
Because it’s likely that you’ll soon become a victim of the deadly confirmation bias where your immediate circle at work is an echo chamber that faithfully agrees with most of your beliefs. Then you can bet you’ll never improve, and you’ll stay in the same place.
There’s a joke in India that Indian crabs can be shipped in open boxes without lids because the moment one crab tries to escape the box the other crabs will drag it down. It’s a joke that I’ve heard in other cultures and like most such jokes it has a kernel of truth in it.
Don’t be that crab.
Choose your circle wisely.
1. If you find that meetings with friends and colleagues are cordial and conflict-free and everyone agrees on everything all the time you may have a problem. The 100% unanimity and harmony may indicate that you are in the wrong company and there is a lack of diversity.
I talked recently to a start-up co-founder who admitted that all three co-founders were males and engineers of the same age and that he was worried about the total agreement in meetings.
2. Get some diversity in the team — by gender or educational background or experience. Based on substance (diversity of thought) of course. Few corporate initiatives are more cringe worthy and more meaningless than diversity based solely on nationality, ethnicity, gender, or race.
3. To find the right professional crowd, go to workshops, conferences, and so on and network. If you keep looking you should find people with different perspectives.
4. Now comes the difficult part — detaching yourself from the wrong crowd. Be ruthless about it — it’s your life and your time. But, it’s also tricky since these people work with you. So, Whiskey Tango Delta?
For a start, reduce the meeting up for lunch or water cooler conversations with your former group. In fact, don’t even start it.
Second, find new connections at work.
To illustrate both the above, when I was working with a property developer in finance, we had a staff cafeteria where many mid-level employees would have their lunch. We had many nationalities and I kept changing my lunch mates, varying between Indian, Arab, and Western expats.
Why? Although I am Indian, I had little interest in the usual topics that the Indians at work talked about (family, food, Bollywood movies, cricket, shopping, etc.), plus I was keen to learn more about people from other cultures and how they saw things. Perhaps for that reason, one inadvertent by-product was that I was never branded as an Indian and hence I was accepted and respected by everyone irrespective of nationality. That had a significant positive impact on my career.
5. Confidence helps
It takes a lot of confidence to step outside your circle and explore. Some have the fear of rejection or humiliation. Some think they are boring and/or can’t talk properly in English.
The solution is not to retreat into the shell. The solution is to get better. Read books. Be interesting (the topic of a previous section). Improve your spoken English. Gain the confidence which can open the doors to many exciting opportunities.
You can’t function properly as a leader if your physical health is poor.
Where will you get the sharp, positive mindset and the energy that you need? Then there are the awful health prospects. The outlook with poor health? Limited upside, unlimited downside.
If I look around me at my Facebook and my WhatsApp connections all I see is a sea of unfit, unhealthy folk. Most people I know eat food that is highly processed and contains extraordinary amounts of salt, fats, and sugars, eat lots of carbs (thrice daily in some cases), rarely exercise, sit at their desks all day long, consume excess alcohol, smoke, sleep late, and don’t get enough sleep.
They are also under perpetual stress due to a hectic work schedule, and this alone leads to all sorts of mental and physical illnesses. Stress alone wreaks devastation by causing heart attacks, gastric diseases, obesity, Type 2 diabetes, and the like.
In countries like India where everyone aspires to a western lifestyle, it’s no surprise that the incidence of lifestyle-related diseases is rising rapidly. In the last 20 years, heart attacks among those below the age of 50 years have doubled in India. Twenty-five percent of heart attacks occur among those below 40 years.
All this came home to me in a sudden and stark manner a few years ago.
One summer’s day in June 2018 one of my closest friends who I’d known for 19 years dropped dead from a sudden and massive heart attack while at work in Dubai. He was about to walk into a meeting. He was 47.
Many years later, it remains to be something I can’t quite digest because I got no warning.
On the surface you’d wonder why. He was a calm and genial guy, good marriage, with smart and respectful kids, was financially well off, was brilliant at (and loved his) work, was a great boss and colleague, and had no previous history of heart disease.
But, then I dug deeper.
I learnt that in the year before his death he’d been working 12–15 hours a day, 7 days a week. No weekends. He was doing the work of three people on several deadline projects to save the company millions. Late nights, late dinners. Zero exercise. He ignored the warning signs of elevated blood pressure and cholesterol.
The deadly (and very common) quartet of overwork, poor diet, lack of sleep, and lack of exercise will hit you whether you are “passionate” about your job or you are making an “impact.” If you think growing your career comes without a big cost to your body, you’re sadly mistaken — nothing valuable comes for free. Your body is not a machine. This dysfunctional lifestyle is also the reason why heart attacks are increasingly common at a younger age.
Your health is usually not a priority for most of your colleagues, suppliers, clients, and your employer. You’re simply a replaceable cog in a vast profit machine and they will merrily plough on in your absence regardless of how good or how senior you are. Which is exactly what happened in my friend’s case.
There will always be work and deadlines. But you’re given only one body for this lifetime.
Don’t ignore the warning signs.
1. Start with the two essential work habits of saying “No” and effective delegation. A lot of the time the overwork is due to taking on more than you can do to impress clients and the boss.
Micromanagement is another reason for burnout and that’s usually because either you are understaffed, or you don’t trust the team. Forget Elon Musk — he’s an outlier. The best leaders have a decent work–life balance and are excellent at delegating. More on delegation later in this book.
2. If you’ve crossed the big four O, get an executive health checkup done once every year. Don’t be skint. Even if it isn’t paid by the company, it’s worth it.
3. You spend so much time on your job (12 hours a day?). Start by spending a fraction of that (0.5 hour/day?) on yourself and slowly you’ll increase as you feel and look better.
4. Slowly try and cut your connections with those who hinder your change of lifestyle.
5. Team up with people (colleagues, friends, relatives) on the same path. It could even be a brisk morning walk. That way you’ll have support if you falter, and you end up helping each other.
6. Another way of getting support is to join a club. I got into serious long-distance running (and completed two marathons) because of the Dubai Creek Striders — the oldest and largest running club in Dubai. It was fun turning up every Friday at 6.00 am and running with people I knew. Although I stopped running a decade ago, I am still in touch with many of my fellow runners.
7. Just signing up for a gym may not work. Get a personal trainer. A good trainer will discuss your plans with you, craft a customized regimen and schedule, watch you while you train (to avoid injury and for effectiveness), gradually keep increasing the difficulty level, boost your confidence when you are down and kick your ass if you are lazy. I work with a trainer these days, and this has significantly changed the way I work out, eat, and sleep. A trainer is like a coach for your body instead of your mind.
Try to move without someone pushing you.
I always prided myself on being self-regulated and hated being told what to do. In certain contexts, such an attitude can be unhelpful but in many situations this approach to life can make the difference between victory and defeat.
A classic demonstration of the latter was my first attempt at a 6,000-meter mountain.
19 Sept 2012. 0830 Hrs Local Time. 5,800 meters above sea level. The climb up Stok Kangri (6,125 m) in Ladakh, North India.
The summit attempt had started at midnight from Base Camp (“BC”), which is normal with big mountains. I was moving much slower than the others who by now were way ahead of me. I could see them as a small speck on the expanse of snow.
After nearly 8 hours of slowly trudging up through the thick snow of the glacier I was drained and dizzy and I was nowhere near the top. I sat down on the ridge leading to the summit.
I couldn’t even stand up, forget walking, and the next 2 hours would be grueling — thinner air, exposed sections, and for the first time in my life I would be wearing crampons, shoes with hooks under the sole for better grip on the snow and ice. I was in two minds.
Oh great! I was hoping for a fiery “Summit or nothing” motivating speech, some direction, and this reply was useless.
I sat there for another 30 minutes, doubting, fearing, and evaluating. The guide was getting impatient as the sun was rising. Finally, I decided and wearily stood up.
I made it in 1.5 hours. 20,000 ft. My first 6,000-er!
A French mountaineer I met near the summit who was going down as I was going up told me later when we met again at BC that I looked like a “dead man walking” with ashen face, bowed stance, and slow walk. He thought I had almost no chance of summiting, but he didn’t say so then for fear of demotivating me.
So what happened? Many things:
1. I thought of the 4 months I’d spent preparing hard, the 3 days hiking to BC.
2. I dwelt on the long-time-till-the-next-opportunity (every mountain has a narrow gap for climbing each year) and how I’d have to prepare again.
3. I didn’t want to fail. I could not live with that, and it was humiliating to even think of it.
4. Also, when I was certain the tank was empty there were still a few drops left. Which is often the case — we are usually drained mentally well before we are exhausted physically (our brain protects us).
5. But, the most important revelation was I was a person for whom external motivation didn’t matter as much. I realized that I was largely self-driven.
Let’s talk corporate life.
I was not always self-motivated. There were patches (occasions in my twenties and thirties) where my motivation would plummet, often for weeks on end. So, I have been on both sides and have a wider perspective. Based on that, I can tell you there will be several major career reasons why you should motivate yourself and not rely on others to push you:
• If you are a leader (or a wannabe leader) you must be inspired and fully engaged at work. Because if you don’t motivate yourself, how will you motivate others?
• The good folks who keep motivating you aren’t saints and don’t possess everlasting patience. One day they will throw up their arms and say, “That’s it, I have had enough.”
• If you lack motivation your performance will be erratic and can swing like a yo-yo from brilliant to mediocre and back. Erratic also means unpredictable. No one likes unpredictable employees.
• If you are a manager or leader your mood swings will be immediately felt by your team. You can’t tell them to raise their game because your own game is volatile. You have also created another problem — team performance.
• Because of all the above, your reputation and hence the ability to influence and make an impact will take a big hit.
• If you lack the inner fire, you won’t make it, doesn’t matter whether it is Tony Robbins, Gary V, Eric Thomas, or Shiv Khera that you listen to.
• Few will bother to push you. You need to be your own best friend and supporter because:
• Most people either don’t understand or care about your success or are outright envious.
• Your boss is too busy with work.
• Your colleagues are too busy saving themselves.
• Your friends don’t have a clue as they work in different sectors.
• Your family has no idea and are merely passive well-wishers who occasionally dish out vague, obsolete (or outright wrong) advice.
• The higher you go the lonelier you become. As you progress up the career ladder, things change dramatically. You will have far fewer colleagues; it gets increasingly lonely and there is much greater responsibility. The level of fear, uncertainty, and doubt will jump and so will stress levels. Hence, all the more reason why you should be a self-starter.
As I progressed in my career, I became aware of the downsides and became more self-driven (or as a boss once said “self-regulated”), requiring minimal supervision and motivation.
1. Get more engaged at work
If you boost your engagement, it will have a cascading effect on the team. How do you do this?
• Think hard about the significant events in your career and how they affected the way you approached your career and leadership. This is critical because those early experiences pop up later as personality-defining beliefs.
• Find your strengths. There are several reliable tools and techniques for discovering them. You can find out your best qualities as well as your negative and neutral traits. You can also talk to people who know you well and who you trust, and get their feedback on your strengths.
• Figure out what your top five values are. I have talked about values a lot in this book. These values are your passions, the things you care about deeply.
• Explore the purpose and values of your organization. Dig deeper beyond mere PowerPoint presentations and wall posters on vision, mission, core values, and so on. It’s easy to figure out what the real corporate values are— values are what you see in action around you every day.
• Map your personal values and purpose to that of the organization or team that you lead. This shows how and where you fit in. If there is considerable overlap between company and personal values, it’s great for engagement. If there is little or no overlap, you should ask yourself what the hell you are doing there.
2. Emotional intelligence is key
Self-drive is all about emotions and EI can be a big help. There are four pillars of EI:
a) self-awareness
b) self-management
c) social awareness
d) relationship management
I am talking here specifically of (b).
Self-management refers to:
• the ability to direct your own behavior towards a goal
• being able to put off gratification in the present in order to get better results in the future
• being able to motivate yourself to stick with something over time, even though it may be difficult and time-consuming
You must manage your emotions and ideally not need anyone to “manage” you. You must pull yourself up if you feel down. All this is even more critical if you’re a leader or an entrepreneur.
3. Manage who you are … and not just what you are doing
If you manage both yourself and your tasks, you will end up inspiring not just yourself but also your people. If you keep your values and purpose always aligned with that of the organization, you automatically trigger passion and engagement, and you won’t have to work at motivating or unstucking yourself.
4. Get mentally tough
An informative brief on the interesting concept of Mental Toughness (“MT”) is set out in the Appendix.
Try the mental toughness toolkit from AQR. It assesses your level of MT and also gives you a development guide.
Most people expect that the three things that really count regarding experience are that:
a) you become better in your technical domain,
b) you become a better people manager, and
c) you become better aligned to corporate goals.
Mind you, none of the above is guaranteed. I’ve known people who are no better in those respects than they were 12 years ago.
But, let’s assume that these are the three expectations anyone will have of an experienced white-collar worker. What’s missing here is the important element of what psychologists call Crystalized Intelligence (CI).
The concepts of Fluid Intelligence (FI) and Crystallized Intelligence (CI) were introduced in 1963 by the psychologist Raymond Cattell. FI is the ability to solve unique reasoning problems and is correlated with quite a few critical skills like comprehension, problem solving, and learning. CI, on the other hand, is the ability to deduce secondary relational abstractions by applying previously learned primary relational abstractions. CI includes spotting patterns.
CI is based upon facts and rooted in experiences. As we age and accumulate new knowledge and understanding, CI becomes stronger. CI does tend to peak later in life, hitting its apex around age 60 or 70.
At the risk of sounding immodest, now that I am in my early fifties, I can clearly see that my CI is increasing significantly. I keep getting insights I never got before, and these come from making easy and quick connections between my own experiences and stuff I read somewhere, what people are currently experiencing and a deeper understanding of reality.
Let’s get specific. So, what are the ten lessons that you should pick up from experience?
1. You know your values
Thanks to decades of trying out different jobs and careers. This is absolutely fundamental.
Which means, you know what type of work matters to you, what is nonnegotiable, and what you’re flexible on. You also know that anything that or anyone who doesn’t represent these values aren’t attractive. You are wedded to your values because you have deviated from these in the past with nasty results. You know your True North.
I ran a personality test and it pointed to my values as authenticity, freedom, meaningful work, well-being, and reputation. They were spot on — they pretty much capture all that drives me.
2. You know how you’ll react
Values drive behaviors.
Because you know your values, you know exactly how you will react to certain people and situations based on your past reactions. Hence you will stay clear of people and places that you know are not in sync with your values.
Given my values, I am a misfit in large, well-structured, hierarchical organizations, and I am more suited to smaller, agile, innovative setups. I know because some of my worst experiences were working in the Big 4 firms and some of my best experiences were working directly with the MD at a small bank, at Nakheel (the Dubai property developer in its early days) and running Genesis (the financial training company that I co-founded and led).
So, it doesn’t matter what they offer — pay or title, I wouldn’t take up certain offers. Like when I was approached by a headhunter to work as head of finance for a large government company for an annual salary of $350,000. It didn’t take me long to decline. If the offer were made to me now, I would decline instantly. Time is a great value clarifier.
3. You know what you’re brilliant at and what you suck at
Hence you are confident because you know exactly what you bring to the table. You know your strengths.
I know that I bring higher analytical skills, a zero-bullshit attitude, superior articulation, the ability to stand in someone else’s shoes, the ability to think of the big picture and also zoom into the details, the ability to swiftly get to the core point while ignoring the noise, the courage to ask inconvenient but important questions, an intense focus on projects I am passionate about, and the ability to quickly synthesize disparate bits into a coherent and compelling whole.
4. You know what will work and what won’t
Because you’ve seen this movie many times before and you can see an accident happening from far away. Life is often like a movie and many situations in life follow a predictable plot.
As I used to tell my CFA prep students, the performance of each CFA batch was like watching a Hollywood flick with a predictable screenplay — I know the beginning, the middle, and the end (of an individual student’s journey based on his attitude and aptitude) and the only thing that changes are the actors.
5. It’s easier to say “No”
Because of all the above, you get to be extremely focused and can easily say “No” with zero regrets. You know some things will never lead you anywhere and even if they do you know it’s not for you.
I am pretty good at saying “No.” Over the last few years, I’ve said “No” politely but firmly to almost every single request to be a:
• pro bono mentor
• CFA exam mentor
• CFA prep trainer
• start-up advisor
• angel investor
• start-up CEO
• start-up co-founder
6. You take nothing at face value
You learn that you should never take anyone or anything at face value.
You know that members of the Homo Sapiens species are often frustratingly complex, opaque, and unpredictable and with strangers you’ve to be patient and peel apart the layers. Often, this isn’t because people are devious but because they are emotional or lack self-awareness or lack perspective.
This is especially valuable with my executive coaching clients. Often the problem that he or she will come to me with isn’t the real problem as it becomes clear after I ask several probing questions and listen intently.
7. You understand motivations and personalities
Via experience you learn why most people act (or don’t act) the way they do. You get to be good at quickly assessing personalities and potential.
This goes back to the self-awareness I talked about earlier in the book. If we know ourselves, we should also know others because humans aren’t all that different. So, if someone shows values similar to (or the opposite of) yours then you can assess the person and predict behavior with reasonable accuracy.
Again, another skill that’s uber useful when coaching clients.
8. You learn to spot trends and patterns quickly
Usually well before they run their course.
That’s because you know your history and you’ve seen this pattern repeat many times before. There are so many examples, both at a macro- and at a micro-level perspective.
Thanks to being a student of history (and the benefit of experience), I know that, for example:
• Fundamentals rule in the long term in the stock market, which is why I never caught the FOMO bug post March 2020 when smaller, faster growth tech stocks went ballistic. Many are now down significantly.
• As the GDP increases in developing nations like India, the rate of lifestyle diseases (heart disease, stroke, cancer, diabetes) and the demand for quality health care, airline travel, and luxury goods and services all will soar.
• Increased prosperity in the developing world will also bring with it the collapse of joint or large families and with that comes loneliness and mental health issues such as depression and anxiety.
9. You don’t waste time on formalities
This is because you know they’re superficial, simply there to respect tradition and to give a veneer of respectability to a group of people or an entity.
I never beat about the bush, and I try to get to the crux of the issue quickly. I don’t show up at meetings unless I need important input, or I am required to deliver insights or direction and I often leave after that is done. When I ran the training company, I used to skip levels to talk to people far below me to get to the truth.
10. You learn that nothing lasts forever
Time flies and everything is temporary.
The above means that you not only know the importance of time you also know that the little time you have on earth should be used for things that endure and matter, such as your physical health, your peace of mind, the impact you make on people, and the legacy you leave behind.
Experience alone is not enough. It isn’t automatic. You must get feedback and introspect and slowly your values get crystallized.
It’s a fun journey and a wonderful place to be. Because it’s all about knowing yourself and the world around you and that knowledge is true power.
1. Write down the top lessons you’ve learnt about a career from your own experience and what you’ve seen repeat in others. It doesn’t have to be a copy of my list. For each lesson write down an example. Jot down at least five major lessons.
2. If you can’t note down five big lessons, then either you haven’t had enough experience, or you’ve been sleepwalking through them. If it’s the latter, now is the time for a hefty dose of introspection.
3. Sit back and think hard about what the top five lessons say about you and how they have influenced your personality traits and your leadership style. They’ll probably help you flesh out your values. The reason being the five lessons are your top beliefs but below the edifice of beliefs lies the foundation of values and that’s what you need to grasp.
From my personal experience in my own career and from the experience of the few managers that I have coached, I have learnt a few important ways that can make you stand out in the rat race.
What did I do?
I’ve tried to challenge conventional wisdom, spoken up, red flagged issues, volunteered to lead initiatives, tried to inspire (teams, students, mentees), refused to back down, pushed things (including myself) to the limit, and so on. All with my trademark humor. All with a laser-like focus on making a lasting impact. In short, I stood out.
I recall one of my colleagues in my second job joking that a new project assigned to me will be done in a ‘Binodnian’ way. I was a 26-year-old Chartered Accountant then and had already established a distinctive style of working.
There are several excellent reasons why you should not blend into the herd, and hence limit yourself to conventional thoughts and actions.
That’s of course the first thing that comes to mind. If you stay where you are, you will remain anonymous. Once you start doing unusual stuff you immediately become visible.
Visibility alone isn’t important — it’s what it leads to that’s important. You start attracting the attention of the right people, mostly recruiters, mentors, event organizers and leaders. Your circle expands far beyond the tiny circle within which most of your colleagues operate.
There are eight ways in which you can stand out:
1. Upskill
• Yes, you have the right degree or qualification but how well can you apply these at work? Qualifications give you a lot, such as knowledge and respect, but not necessarily the skills.
• If you want to excel in equity research, asset management, financial planning and analysis, risk management, and so on you must be an expert at advanced excel and financial modeling.
• Report writing skills are key. You may be a whiz at Excel but what’s the point if you can’t write in a clear, concise, and compelling way to your clients?
• Coding skills help these days especially if you are a trader or equity researcher, to get that extra alpha.
• Think beyond your role, your department, your company, even your sector.
• Spot country and industry trends like GDP growth, tourism traffic, retail traffic, cost of living, quality of life, employment, interest rates, and so on. Go macro. Then think about the impact on your company.
• Check out the competition and suggest strategies.
3. Know the business
• Know your company’s industry inside out, whether it is broking or asset management, or real estate or private equity or anything else.
• Understand how the business works.
• Find out what are the key processes, key inputs (and their price dynamics), best practices, key metrics (both business and financial), key risks (business and financial), the mitigation for these risks, and so on.
• Apply this knowledge to your company and see where it stands and what the gaps are.
• Figure out how you can be involved and add value. I will talk more about this in Tip # 6 below.
4. Excel at communication
By which I mean written and spoken communication. If you excel at communication, you will get opportunities, you can make an impact and you will stand out.
What are the features of superior communication? It must be:
• Honest
• Concise
• Balanced and rational
• Critical yet constructive
• Simplifying complex topics
What are the platforms where you can demonstrate these?
• Face-to-face meetings
• Conference calls
• Presentations
• Emails
• Online on LinkedIn
• Written reports
The above can be to colleagues, regulators, investors, management, clients, suppliers, or business partners.
5. Network and collaborate
There are lots of opportunities in finance particularly in a nonfinancial company as many people outside finance need your support because of your unique skills. Use this as an opportunity to learn and network.
Examples of departments that rely on finance:
• Legal, for example, for financial review of agreements
• Sales, for example, for sales forecasts and documentation
• IT, for example, for acquiring or testing new financial systems
• All departments for budget preparation
• Capex Projects for feasibility studies
Point: People get to know you and vice versa. You will be seen as being proactive and a team player. You also build a network and reputation and become the first point of contact in finance for people outside finance.
6. Initiate special projects
• Given your knowledge of and passion for the sector you will identify gaps and areas for improvement.
• Step in and start something new that adds value.
• Propose ways to reduce cost and be involved in the project.
• Suggest a new product or service and be involved in the roll out.
I used to call these special projects and did this in many jobs I had.
For example, my Dubai real estate price report, which quickly became demanded by the sales and marketing teams first within the property development company where I worked and then within the large group. I initially started working on it because I was curious and eventually it was produced monthly by my assistant who loved her job of also doing market research in addition to the usual monthly management reporting.
Point: This is a classic example of going above and beyond that can make you stand out. Because it shows a rare passion, industry knowledge, analytical skills, and so on. Plus, the added benefit that my assistant was also fully engaged at work!
7. Red flag issues in advance
• Be bold — speak truth to power.
• This is much easier if you know the business and have done a deep dive.
• This is also a result of working with other departments who may tell you important, finance-related stuff that you would never know otherwise.
• But, don’t just cry wolf. Suggest solutions as well. Management may not like it when all they hear from you are issues with no remedies.
• Of course, this depends a lot on the company culture. Many companies have an ass kisser culture where bad news is suppressed, and the messenger is shot so act accordingly. There’s little point in dying heroically but needlessly.
Point: You can easily stand out here because many of your colleagues either don’t know issues well enough or don’t care or are too scared.
8. Have a sense of fun
See the weird side to people and situations.
Don’t be scared to be a bit wacky.
What are the merits of this?
• Humor defuses the tension in many tricky situations.
• Humor helps develop rapport with strangers. For example, a joke is an excellent icebreaker before you start a meeting.
• People also think funny people are smarter, more likeable, and more confident.
Of course, you can’t force your jokes or make tasteless quips. It’s critical to know what to say, when, and to whom. It also helps a lot to have a funny bone.
Point: Many finance professionals (accountants, analysts, advisors, bankers, etc.) are bereft of a sense of fun or are too scared to joke. Hence, they are colorless and as interesting as a block of wood. You can score a double — have fun and boost your career (by standing out) at the same time.
More about the importance of having a sense of humor later in this book.
One of the biggest issues with many folks is that they not only don’t get the big picture, but they focus too much on the small stuff even though they are in middle or senior management.
They’ll tell you the cost but not the value or benefit; the faults in people but never the positives; the downside not the upside; the past but not the future; the duration and size but not the concept; the process and profits but not the people; the speed but not the direction; and the what, how, and when but never the why.
I call this wretched state of mind, paralysis through analysis. There are so many examples:
• You obsess on the colors, flow, and fonts of a report/presentation (small stuff) instead of the content (big picture).
• You are far more bothered and spend a lot of time debating the necessity of giving a 10% raise to a critical and deserving employee (small stuff) than by the highly likely positive effect of this raise on his motivation at work or the negative effect of his departure if he feels he isn’t being rewarded fairly (big picture).
• When job hunting you spend a lot of time thinking about the role, title, and compensation (small stuff), but not your values or the company culture (big picture).
• You agonize over possibly exploitable loopholes in a rule at work (small stuff) instead of the impact of that rule on client experience, staff motivation, and product quality (big picture). I used to work closely with a bright senior guy who was an expert at worrying about imagined “loopholes” and wanted to put all sorts of preventive controls that would have been a hassle to clients and staff for no extra net benefit. I occasionally had to step in to restore sanity to the discussion.
“What’s the issue with this?” You loudly ask. Quite a few issues:
• You end up wasting everyone else’s time.
• Your staff knows that you only look at the small stuff (fonts, formats, colors, small line items, etc.), so they also will focus on that and ignore the big matters. Essentially, you’ve forced your team to align with your mindset.
• You squander your time which is even more valuable because as a manager you are paid more to deliver more. It’s a terrible Return on Time Invested (ROTI).
• You irritate your juniors who are fed up with what even they know to be inconsequential stuff.
• No one will want to work with a nit-picking taskmaster. The best people won’t want to work with you. This can torpedo your promotion prospects.
• But, that’s not the worst. The worst is that time is finite and nonrenewable, and you could have better used it by zeroing in on the big stuff.
I see this a lot among lawyers, qualified accountants, and analysts (CPAs, CAs, CFA charter holders, etc.). I’ve seen so many cases, I’ve lost count. Their focus is often so small and narrow. I think that’s because these chaps focus a lot on analysis but rarely synthesis. They are trained and paid to see and mitigate risk, be skeptical, look back, reduce cost, obsess with details, and nit-pick (auditors are especially amazing at this).
Result? Abysmal leadership skills. They are terrible bosses who got to be there mainly because they’re decent at technical stuff.
But, they cannot lead because leadership is mostly synthesis, of strategy, of connecting the dots, visualizing the future, and inspiring people.
1. Before everything else, if you are a manager you must show by your words and deeds that you are sufficiently strategic and not overly tactical or operational.
2. In any discussion that you are leading, start with the why instead of the how, who, what, and where. Spend a significant part of your review time on the why and who and the balance on the rest. If you know the reason for the project and everything about the project leader and his team that’s half the work done. Your team will quickly get the message that the why is crucial.
3. Whenever a discussion at a meeting that you are leading, gets sidetracked to the small stuff by anyone, steer it firmly but politely back to the big picture.
4. Make it clear to everyone up-front at the kick-off or the meeting which you are leading what the focus should be.
5. Be careful about letting ops guys, lawyers, engineers, accountants, or analysts drive a strategic meeting. That’s a sure-fire way of getting micro-obsessed.
6. If it’s a meeting that’s a deep dive into some relatively minor tactical or operational matter, make sure you are not in the room. Ask your juniors to take care of it and to recommend to you a course of action with justification.
7. Be consistent. If you keep jumping from the strategic to the operational your team won’t know what to prioritize and the confusion will lead to, inter alia, demotivation and delays. At every meeting, keep asking about the link to the strategic goals and plans and track the related KPIs. That way your team knows exactly what to talk about and deliver.
8. This is one area that VPs or Directors who’ve been promoted to the C-suite need support on. It’s so easy to lose the plot and fall back on old habits. My advice — get a coach.
“This is the other thing I have been telling young men and young women. The line “the meek shall inherit the earth” is not a good translation. What it means is this — those who have swords and know how to use them but keep them sheathed will inherit the world.
You should be a monster.
Because everyone says well you should be harmless, virtuous, you shouldn’t do anyone any harm, you should sheath your competitive instincts, you don’t want to be too aggressive, you don’t want to be too assertive, you want to take a back seat and all of that.
No! Wrong!
You should be a monster. And, then you should learn how to control it.”
Okay, look this may be a controversial statement.
But, I still hold on to my view, something that’s based on my observation in corporate life. In most situations, you should be agreeable but not too agreeable. That doesn’t mean you go around being nasty. You must be disagreeable when it is required.
Someone highly agreeable is typically warm, friendly, and tactful. They have an optimistic view of (and get along well with) others. So far so good.
But, this approach has some serious downsides. Agreeable people:
• are keen to avoid conflict,
• leave decision-making to colleagues, as they have a hard time saying “No,”
• overwork due to an inability to delegate,
• agree with opinions they don’t believe in,
• are unable to fire incompetent team members (colleagues, juniors, suppliers etc.),
• are misunderstood as their kindness is mistaken for incompetence and weakness,
• may earn less and get less promotions, and
• make good individual contributors but terrible managers.
There was a senior manager who used to report to me. Reb was bright, articulate, and always positive, tactful with people, and a great individual performer. The issue started when she hired Smokey, a young woman, as an assistant.
For nearly one year Smokey, a cheerful fresh grad, would come late, take a zillion smoke breaks in a day, deliver substandard work, forget to do things, and so on. Reb would occasionally ‘chat’ with her and tell her to buck up, get her trained, and so on, but Smokey never got any better. We were a small company where every employee played a larger than usual role and this weak link was affecting our work, so I told Reb to fire Smokey. Reb promised to do this but kept on delaying it — she clearly couldn’t do it. Finally, after a few weeks of this wishy-washy behavior I had to step in and fire Smokey. My only regret is that it should have been done sooner.
By now you probably guessed that I score low on agreeableness. I disagree even if I’m in a minority. I speak out in meetings forcefully. I challenge decisions. I say “No” far more often than “Yes.” I give no bullshit feedback to friends, relatives, ex-colleagues, former students, and juniors. I love calling out frauds. I’ve unhesitatingly fired associates, suppliers, and employees with the wrong attitude and/or aptitude. I’ve no issues in delegating.
1. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, know your values. Also know why those values are important for your role and company. That clarity should give you the confidence to stop being a pushover.
2. I’m of course not suggesting you should be a jerk. What I am saying is that you must be firm but polite. Cooperation, trust, empathy, and EQ are all essential. But, balance is critical. Because if you’re an entrepreneur, leader, and so on you’ll get taken advantage of and squander your potential and that of the company if you’re perennially agreeable.
3. It’s not easy but start disagreeing slowly. Once people see the change, they’ll change.
4. What you need to do is to be sufficiently assertive and not aggressive. Or unnecessarily confrontational.
5. There are assertiveness training courses available that can help you get better at important stuff at work like:
• Asking for a pay hike or promotion
• Dealing with a jerk of a colleague
• Dealing with egregious workplace practices such as racism and sexism
• Putting your own ideas forward
• Interviewing for a job that you really want
• Negotiating
6. Pick your battles. Focus on what really matters to you so that you aren’t stressed by continually being assertive. Plus, it can actually be helpful for your long-term mental health if the battles you pick are linked to your values.
7. Some people will never be satisfied with your justifications. That’s fine. As long as you have a good reason in your mind and it’s legal and is aligned with the purpose, values and goals of the organization you shouldn’t worry. Leadership is not a popularity contest.
8. Assume that no one else will voice your needs and hence speak up. Often at meetings you hope/expect that somebody will draw attention to the very issues that you feel strongly about. That may or may not happen so move first and speak before you lose the opportunity.
9. If given an impossible deadline, learn to ask for more time. Not everything is an emergency and things can wait. This is also a clear signal to others that (a) you are not a soft touch, or that (b) you have a lot on your plate, or that (c) you need time to think about your stand on the issue.
10. Be well aware of the consequences of being too agreeable before accepting a bigger management role. Unless you change, it can be a poisoned chalice that can destroy your reputation.
11. Choose your words carefully. Replace weak and cautious sounding words like “may,” “could,” “should,” ‘perhaps” with more powerful words like “should,” “will,” and “must.”
12. Health warning #1: Research has suggested that men are more likely to be rewarded for being assertive than women. So, play this carefully if you are a woman.
13. Health warning #2: There is a risk that you could become too assertive. If you begin to stop listening to others when you should be listening, your coworkers will be justifiably annoyed and disengaged and your influence will diminish. Reduce this risk by trying through baby steps until you discover what works for you in your workplace.
Most people are scared of being nonconformist.
Why deviate from the proven path? Why not play safe, try to be well rounded and conform? Why think differently?
Because most societies and companies reward compliance. They do that because when you comply:
1. Your behavior is predictable.
2. You are not a threat to anyone because you are “normal.”
3. People don’t feel inferior because of your special aptitude or attitude.
4. You are easier to understand because you are like everyone else.
5. Companies find it much easier and efficient to apply one standard set of policies and procedures irrespective of your attitude or aptitude and hence prefer those who fit in. This also allows them to scale.
So, you can see that being “normal” is mainly for the benefit of others, not for you.
Now, let me unleash on you the manifold benefits of being different:
1. You can succeed fabulously
Many exceptionally successful business leaders are nonconformist and not at all well rounded. Think Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Elon Musk, Larry Ellison, and so on.
Most people want to see reality and not fakes.
This is especially true these days with social media contaminated by outrageously, impossibly flawless looking and sounding personalities.
Many people I’ve spoken to are so tired of seeing this constant flaunting and virtue signaling (not to mention the sheer hypocrisy) that they long for something or someone authentic.
3. Your tribe will connect
Some people will be hugely attracted to you because of how different you are, and you should cater to them and keep them.
In my book, it’s far better to have 100 connections who are highly attracted to you than to have 10,000 connections who simply like you. Those hundred followers will spread the word with uncommon zeal plus these true believers will be intensely loyal to you and what you believe in.
4. Revolution is sometimes required
Certain situations (like a corporate turnaround) require a different mindset. The company or division most likely can’t continue with the same values, purpose, strategies, or people that caused the disaster in the first place. There are many instances of this, from General Electric to Virgin Atlantic to Intel. The new leader almost always drives the long overdue revolution.
You don’t need to be a CEO to be in such a position. Think division, department, or even branch.
Revolutionary actions require a revolutionary mindset.
5. The value of difference
Have you ever thought that you can add value because of your differences?
Your company and/or friends may not see that. It may be your ability to:
a) get and transmit the big picture quickly, or
b) talk about vital matters that no one dares to even mention, or
c) reach out to your unusually wide and diverse network to hire staff/enter a market/get a consultant.
1. Back to values
The deep need to be authentic is definitely not universal.
It’s not for everyone and we again go back to values. One of my values is authenticity and hence being the real me was and is far more important than being bland and being accepted by everyone and their uncles.
Does your list of values include authenticity? If so, you should pursue it as a priority to the extent possible.
2. Different but still accepted
If there is one phrase that I can’t stand it is, Be Yourself.
Of course, you can’t “be yourself 100%” because there may be aspects of your personality that may be frowned upon in the workplace. Sometimes it’s far better to not exhibit your full personality because it will hurt more than help you. Also, if you open up too much you can lose people.
Also, there is deviant behavior that is forgiven/accepted and even rewarded and then there is deviant behavior that isn’t. An example of the former is if you are super bright, have a track record of success, and can come across as unfair, arrogant, and impatient. An example of the latter is if you say things in public which can be construed as racist or sexist.
The trick is to be different yet be personable and attractive to people. At the end of the day, you are a leader (or are close to being one) and you need to attract, not repel people.
3. Courage is key
On issues/people/projects that I am passionate about I can get quite intense, strongly opinionated, stubborn minded, and indifferent to many aspects of normal life.
Have I benefited from this approach? Massively! Do I get criticized? Of course (by a minority). Do some people not engage with me as a result? Of course. Do I worry too much about that? Nope. Think of what I said earlier about your Tribe.
You can’t and shouldn’t try to please everyone. You must carry the courage of your convictions and stand out.
One of the most common regrets in corporate life is blurting out or writing something which you heavily regret later. This happens to many senior people.
I will give you a few instances that I know of:
Example # 1
“I think you are overpaid and hence there won’t be any increment this year” (CEO to manager during the annual appraisal).
Example # 2
“Mr. X will be the new product manager of Product A and he will replace Mr. Y” (GM announcing an important role change via email to the company without briefing Mr. Y).
Example # 3
“It was negligent of you not to have noticed that important point and hence I could not board the flight and missed many important meetings” (senior manager to junior)
How did that all work out?
Well in Example #1 the manager, who was a talented guy, joined a big competitor and was instrumental in their growth, taking clients from his previous employer. The CEO’s poor choice of words wasn’t the only reason that the manager left, but it was a contributory factor.
Mr. Y in Example #2 was miffed that he had not been consulted before the role change and saw the change as a demotion. A few months after that email went out, he quit and joined another competitor.
The junior in Example #3 was shocked by the severity of the email. The senior manager was upset that he had to cancel many meetings when he wrote that email. Of course, his relationship with the junior was never the same.
Most people react quickly and negatively when they don’t need to.
The problem is that you feel you must say or do something otherwise it’s an affront to your massive and fragile ego or an assault on your dignity or the offender may repeat, or you may look weak, and so on. Action is seen as superior to inaction.
The result? Things invariably get worse; it gets personal and offensive, and the big goals are forgotten as it degenerates into a nasty battle of egos.
I’ve been there and done that. I’ve also dealt with many people who make similar mistakes, even senior managers in their fifties and coaches and psychologists/soft skills “experts” who you’d think know better about how to deal with people.
Here are some useful tips:
1. Think of your reputation
Think thrice before you speak or send that aggressive email or WhatsApp. Words once said cannot be taken back or forgotten.
Anger is not a mark of power; it’s actually a sign of huge weakness, a sign to everyone that you can’t even control yourself.
Your reputation will take a hit, with negative effects on your ability to manage or lead people. You may even be fired.
2. Have a cooling period
Occasionally, I use the technique of writing an email in the heat of the moment and then keeping this in my draft email box for a few days. I’d never send it and I’d eventually delete it after a few weeks or months. With the passage of time, I was always surprised how harsh I sounded and so very glad that the email had not been sent.
3. Think of the triple threat
This was the other technique I used to calm myself.
I kept telling myself that a harsh word to anyone would negatively affect three things; the recipient, my relationship with the recipient, and even myself as I’d regret this later. I called it the anger triangle.
That’s a lot of potential damage and hence there’s just too much at stake and that should make you pause.
4. Get some perspective
This is of course tough when you’re emotional but it’s essential. Perspective means stepping back and understanding that (for example):
• It’s not that big a deal in the overall scheme of things.
• The person you are angry at is actually quite competent and this situation is an outlier which could happen to anyone who isn’t a robot.
• The person you are annoyed with is struggling on the job (understaffed, undertrained, under-led, etc.).
• The person who is the target of your ire probably has a mechanical, boring, low-level, low-paid job with no growth prospects. Many people are understandably resentful that their life is like this (they shouldn’t be but that’s something else).
• Policies and procedures prevent someone from being as flexible or helpful as you want, and he/she is a junior simply following orders and he/she doesn’t make the P & P. Also, such P & P is probably there for your benefit (efficiency and/or your safety) and it is unhelpful to rant about such measures even if you are inconvenienced by these.
• It’s nothing personal directed at you.
“You’ve probably had to listen to a lot of people tell you how busy they are. It’s become the default response when you ask someone how they’re doing. “Busy.” “So …. oo busy.” It is obviously a boast disguised as a complaint. It’s most often said by people whose busy-ness is purely self-imposed. They’re busy because they’re addicted to busyness and dread what they have to face in its absence.
Almost everyone I know is busy. They feel anxious or guilty when they aren’t working. Even children are busy now, scheduled down to the half hour with enrichment classes, tutorials, and extracurricular activities. At the end of the day, they come home as tired as grownups, which is not just sad but hateful.
I wonder whether all this histrionic exhaustion is a way of covering up the fact that most of what we do doesn’t matter. What exactly is getting done? Are all those people running late for meetings and yelling into their cell phones stopping the spread of malaria or developing an alternative to fossil fuel or curing cancer?
An ideal human life lies somewhere between my own defiant indolence and the rest of the world’s endless frenetic hustle. I did make a decision long ago to choose time over money, since you can always make more money.
Life is too short to be busy.
Tim said it better than I ever could. Busy-ness is so cool these days. There are several reasons why you are “busy” at work:
• You are a perfectionist when the situation doesn’t require that everything should work perfectly 100% all the time.
• You are a micro manager who reviews subordinates’ work at unusually short intervals.
• You are unable to delegate because you don’t trust others to do it as well as you can and hence end up doing others’ work yourself.
• You accept work because of your inability to say “No.”
• A lot of time is spent in meetings where you add no value, meetings which you need not have attended, and the minutes could have been emailed to some people (like you).
• You are focusing on the many small things instead of the few big things.
• You have to work with many restrictive policies and cumbersome procedures imposed from above and that takes a lot of time.
You are clearly busy but to what end?
It is easy to confuse being busy with being productive. Being productive means being able to complete a task or get something done and you do not need to be busy in order to be productive.
So, what’s the impact of this “busyness”? Is it harmless or does this practice have any negative effects in the long run?
I believe there are several severe downsides:
• Damage to mental health. When busy-ness is glorified, you may end up getting stretched with a bunch of commitments and responsibilities. Busy-ness may lead to feeling depressed, anxious, stressed, inadequate, frustrated, and so on as you struggle to cope with the seemingly never ending, back-to-back activities. This is aggravated by the fact that you are too busy to step back and be calmed and reassured by the long-term, big picture.
• Damage to physical health. Busy-ness may lead to sacrificing your physical well-being for the sake of getting work done. How?
• You gulp down a hasty breakfast, probably whatever you could grab from the fridge or on the way to work, as you rush to the office. Or you miss breakfast.
• You end up either skipping lunch or eating a frantic fast-food lunch at your desk instead of a mindful, calm, healthy meal.
• You take work home and eat a late-night TV dinner, something you ordered or made at the last minute, something that isn’t a healthy choice.
• You skip necessary workouts just to be early to work in the morning and/or because you work late into the evening.
• You skip seeing the doctor and keep delaying that appointment because you are too busy. What happens is, a relatively minor health situation can become a major one.
• You never sleep enough as the thought of the stressful day just gone by and all the pending work waiting for you the next day is enough to ensure a fitful sleep.
• Damage to potential. Assuming you have leadership potential, damage to physical and mental health means your upward journey may be abruptly cut short by a sudden health issue (e.g., stroke, heart attack). Even if that doesn’t happen, lack of physical and mental health means an inability to withstand the continual stress of being a leader. As a leader you may need to travel a lot, handle multiple crises, have difficult conversations and make tough decisions, all situations made easier if your mind and body are strong.
• Damage to relationships. Because you are never available for your family or friends, the relationship atrophies and you grow apart. You get lonely because now you have very few people (probably some of your colleagues who are in the same boat!) to talk to. Not only that, when you need help from friends and family you will be seen as an opportunist and may not get it. The worst part is that your kids grow up without having a meaningful father or mother in their lives and that is a story that has far-reaching consequences.
1. Back again to values
Sit down and make a list of your values. Then look at your day and see whether most of what you do at work reflects those values. If your values are (for example) well-being and family but you are consumed by your work then clearly you aren’t living your values, are you?
Time for a change.
2. Take a break
Plan a vacation for yourself (and don’t fill it with activities to impress friends on Facebook and Instagram) so you can recharge.
3. Set boundaries
We go back to my earlier point on Nice Guys.
Set boundaries with others and remind yourself that it’s okay to say ‘No’.
That’s not being rude. That’s being assertive, taking care of yourself, and making sure you aren’t exploited.
4. Know yourself
Set proper expectations for yourself when it comes to how much you can comfortably take on. If you are a manager you’ve racked up enough experience to know this.
For example, I am not an evening person. This means I can’t function through the night or with lack of sleep because I’ll be a walking zombie the next day. Hence late evening meetings (social or professional) are out.
5. Identity issues
Most of us have tied our identity and self-worth to work. We feel guilty if we don’t work 30 hours a day. This is especially common among Asians, probably the hardest working folks on the planet.
Understand that your self-worth does not come from being busy. Your life is more than just being one of the many small cogs in the giant wheel at ABC company.
6. Schedule time for yourself
Unless you schedule it, it won’t happen. Block your diary for non-work-related activities.
• 6.00 am to 7.00 am is the time for exercise
• 7.00 am to 9.00 am is commuting to work and back listening to a podcast
• 7.00 pm to 9.00 pm is spending time with family
• 9.00 pm till 10.00 pm is for reading a good book
If you are at the manager level or above, you will be involved in or witness politics at close range. Politics is an important yet incredibly complex topic that can build or derail careers.
What exactly is this politics that people talk about in hushed whispers? Organizational politics is basically how people use influence tactics to improve personal or organizational interests.
If you have spent enough time in corporate life, you would have seen some or most of these in a politicized work environment:
1. The best performers don’t get the reward and recognition they deserve.
2. Undeserving employees often get the promotions and the perks.
3. Career progress is more based on who you know (and who knows you) rather than your attitude and aptitude.
4. Many employees are highly resentful of a few employees because of what they see as the latter doing better due to favoritism.
5. Opaque and inconsistent HR practices.
6. Dysfunctional interdepartmental/divisional rivalry.
7. There is a lot of empire building going on. Bosses amass responsibilities/resources mainly to look bigger.
8. Partly due to the empire building, there are silos everywhere as employees in rival departments are discouraged from cooperating or collaborating. There is an absurdly low amount of interdepartmental coordination or communication. Inefficiency, duplication of effort, and so on are the usual results of this sad state.
9. Increased skepticism about management by employees. Official statements are disbelieved outright or interpreted differently from what management intended.
10. The actual power that some people wield is disproportionate to their official role in the organization. These people have either far less power (titular head with the real power being elsewhere) or far more power (e.g., the manager is the CEO’s girlfriend).
11. Good ideas get blocked or shot down because of the person/team that is pushing the idea and not because of the merits (or lack of merits) of the aforesaid idea.
12. Favoritism is rife. For example, managers spend a lot of time mentoring certain employees but not others although all are equally good at work and have roughly equal potential.
13. Ex-employees or ex-board members, or relatives or friends of current employees have an unusual degree of influence over company policies and decisions.
14. Decisions are made based on anecdotal evidence from, or speculation by, some powerful people and on-the-ground data is ignored.
15. Some projects are deliberately under-resourced because they were initiated by previous management or by someone who the current management hates.
16. There are closed informal groups everywhere, for example, based on nationality, caste. The office reminds you of high school and college with their petty groupings.
Quite a few reasons:
1. Scarce resources: Hence managers (e.g., divisional heads) fight over funding for their projects and do their best to discredit the other divisions and their heads.
2. Few positions: As you clamber up the hierarchy, the number of positions is far less than the number of aspirants. Result? Increased competition and politics come into play.
3. Personal dislikes: Enmity arising from some past event (that could even be personal and completely unrelated to the office) is used to fuel current actions and to take revenge.
4. Ego: The bigger a department or division (in terms of staff, locations, and/or budget) the more powerful the head of that unit. So, the aforesaid head will do anything to protect his fiefdom.
5. Envy: Most people don’t like someone who stands out in terms of success (the tall poppy syndrome) and hence try their best to bring that person down.
6. Critical mass: There is an adequate number of each group (nationality, caste, etc.) to form effective cliques.
7. Affinity: People understand and like people like them. People don’t understand, dislike, and fear people who are not like them. Simple.
8. Insecurity: Some senior managers are insecure and paranoid (partly because they are underqualified and/or crap at their jobs) and hence launch attacks against those they think are the biggest threats.
9. Subjectivity: Performance appraisals are so subjective that there is enough room to give someone an unfair advantage.
Like it or loathe it, office politics are a fact of life in any organization.
But, it is possible to promote yourself and your cause without compromising your values or those of your organization.
Practicing “good” politics enables you to further your and your team’s interests fairly and appropriately. And, being alert to the “bad” politics around you helps in avoiding needless suffering while others take advantage.
1. Play the game
As long as we are working with people you will have politics.
Also, studies show that people with political skills tend to do better in gaining more power as well as managing stress that a job demands than their politically naïve colleagues. They also have a greater impact on organizational outcomes.
So, try not to act all righteous and say, “I won’t get involved in politics.” If you don’t play the game, you may be out of the game.
How do you deal effectively with office politics? Let’s assume you’ve just joined an organization. The below are what I’d advise.
2. The real org chart
Look beyond the official titles and roles because office politics often overrides the professional looking org chart. Formal power and real power may be quite different. Sit back, shut up, and observe and then map the political power and influence in your organization. What you should be doing is to ask yourself questions such as:
• Who are the real influencers?
• Who has authority but rarely or never exercises it?
• Who is respected?
• Who champions or mentors others?
• Who are the brains behind the business?
3. The informal network
Since you’ve mapped out where the power and influence lie, look at how people behave with each other. Find out:
• Who gets along with who.
• Who doesn’t get along with anyone.
• Why the above relationships are like this.
• Who is respected and why.
• Who is feared and why.
• Who has risen despite lack of merit.
• Who is the Godfather of whom.
• What are the major and minor cliques.
• Which of the cliques are in favor and which aren’t.
4. Build relationships
Now that you know the lay of the land, start building your network. A few tips:
• Always look beyond your immediate team and cross the formal hierarchy in all directions. I always did that wherever I worked with positive results as I ended up being the “bridge” connecting various departments/interests.
• Don’t fear the politically powerful. Get to know them and treat them respectfully, but don’t be a kiss ass.
• Be friendly with everyone, but don’t take sides with anyone or any group.
• Be likeable. As one of my ex-colleagues grudgingly admitted — “People like you. You are popular and competent.”
• Never bitch about anyone, although it may be very tempting to talk about some incompetent scumbag. You never know who talks to whom, and before you know it, you will be seen as having a political position which can be dangerous.
5. Don’t be naïve
Try not to be repulsed by or stay away from those jerks who practice toxic politics. That’s not just naïve, but you’ll then be seen as siding with whoever these jerks dislike, which can be unpleasant.
Keep the communication channels open but be extremely careful of what you tell them as it may be conveyed to others differently in a way that could screw you up, for example, with a negative spin. Make sure you carefully caveat your statements and recommendations.
As for the gossips, don’t be shy to listen while they leak the latest from the grapevine. There is usually no smoke without a fire, and their chattering is an invaluable peek into what’s happening.
6. Listen actively
We often assume that the communication is limited to what is said. That’s a big mistake, especially in highly political organizations.
What is being communicated comes through also via the voice (tone, speed, etc.), the length or brevity of the message, the shallowness of the talk, the facial expressions, hand gestures and other body language, and also what is not said.
Also, in politicized workplaces, what is unsaid may be more than at professional companies, and that’s because of the politics, which can never be made explicit because of fear and distrust.
So how do you pick on the complete communication and not just what’s said? Active listening is the answer. Monitor everything. Read between the lines.
7. Deliver quality work
Consistently.
This may seem like a no-brainer. “Of course, Binod,” you say angrily, “I always deliver exceptionally.”
Sure, but here’s a bigger reason for you to stay exceptional — if you are walking around with a target on your back thanks to office politics (something you should avoid but happens), at least they will have a tough task to take you down for incompetence.
Into every life, some rain must fall.
That means you must deal with the occasional jerk in your career, even if you are a manager.
Unfortunately, this is quite common in corporate life, especially in the Big 4 and Investment Banking, which for some reason, seems to attract an unusually high number of jerks.
I’ve worked with quite a few jerks over the past 30 years.
Sure, you can hand in your access card and laptop and walk out (like I did in my last corporate position), but that’s the last resort anyway; how many can do that?
I’ve used several alternative techniques, and some may work for you:
1. Get some perspective
Step back, eliminate the emotion, and the incident may not be as bad as you thought. Perhaps it was a one-off, or you were just too sensitive.
2. Move your body
Brisk walking, jogging, swimming, and the like will inject some mood-lifting hormones into your system, and you’ll feel less stressed.
Do this irrespective of how you feel. I say this because when you feel like shit, the last thing you feel like doing is to work out.
I used to read humorous books, and they would take me to a different world where I would laugh to myself. I particularly recall that during some of my most stressful days — the wit and farce of PG Wodehouse and Tom Sharpe kept me sane while working with some unempathetic managers.
4. Have someone to talk to
What you need is a support system of close friends, colleagues, relatives, or mentors you can talk to. Talk to someone who will listen to you without judgment and may even give you a few words of support and advice.
5. Nothing lasts forever
This too will pass.
You’ll probably move on from this terrible place onto better things, so just remind yourself that you’re there to:
• learn technical and/or soft skills,
• make enough money for your future plans,
• develop important connections for your next step, or
• get that big brand on your resume.
Always keep the bigger, long-term goal/s in mind. Once you keep that in mind, the pain you are going through should be bearable.
This is probably the most important tip.
I have heard so many people proclaim it as a philosophy of life.
In almost all cultures worldwide, regret is seen as backward looking, unpleasant, and a waste of time. Apparently, we should always look forward and not look backwards and why rue over yesterday when we can dream of the limitless possibility of tomorrow? In fact, some believe that one of the best ways to live is to live without regrets.
That’s impractical, nonsensical, and even dangerous.
Everybody has regrets. They’re a fundamental part of our lives. We can’t avoid regret because the possibility of regret is inherent in everything we do and don’t do.
I have a few regrets and I think about them sometimes. I could never pretend to myself or anyone else that I have no regrets.
Regret is a very real reaction to a disappointing event in your life, a choice you made that can’t be changed, something you said that you can’t take back.
But, regret is also a potentially productive emotion and can prompt life changes for the better. Regret is normal and healthy. If used properly, it can cleanse and can lift us up.
There are three major upsides of regret.
Regret can improve decisions
Studies have shown that when people think about what they regretted not doing in the past, they make better decisions later on. Regret makes us collect more information, look at a wider range of options, and give more thought before reaching a decision.
I was an impatient, short-tempered, and judgmental manager, which I regret and these days, I am more self-aware, deliberate, tolerant, and patient.
Regret can boost performance
It does this by increasing persistence. Regret triggers reflection leading to a revised strategy which in turn leads to better performance.
Regret can deepen meaning
Examining regrets can help us clarify our life’s purpose and steer towards a more meaningful life.
I wasted the better part of six years in an auditing career. My last few corporate positions were short, unusually meaningless, and unnecessarily stressful. All these (especially the last) made me realize my values and what I really wanted for the first time.
These experiences also made me think and act with the knowledge that life is short and that every second must be spent doing something meaningful and something that you love doing with like-minded people.
1. How not to deal with regret
Don’t ruminate. That’s a road to depression, anxiety, and innumerable other negative emotions.
2. Take comfort in its universality
We are all in this together. I googled recently and the below are the number of hits you get if you search for certain phrases:
• Regrets about education: 111 million
• Regrets about career: 167 million
• Regrets about relationships: 156 million
• Regrets about family: 257 million
• Regrets about health: 173 million
• Regrets about finance: 131 million
3. Laugh at ourselves
Understand that humor, even dark humor, helps us survive.
4. Undo it
Apologize or try to fix any damage.
Think about how things could have turned out worse and appreciate that “at least” they didn’t.
6. Practice self-disclosure
Writing or talking about a regret can help move it from a place of emotion to a place where you can analyze it. Research has shown that just writing about a regret can make abstract emotions more concrete and lighten the burden.
7. Show self-compassion
Treat yourselves with kindness as you might treat someone else who came to you with the same regret.
8. Self-distance
This is about trying to put your regret in perspective, imagining someone else is confronting it, or you’re an objective third party trying to analyze it, or thinking about it from the perspective of 10 years from now.
9. Regret minimization
Despite what Jeff Bezos says, this may not be practical. This actually means maximizing happiness which is tough for various reasons- your values and priorities keep changing and you will never be happy because perfect is always out of reach.
10. Optimizing regret
Instead of minimizing regret, give a shot at optimizing. There are two ways of doing this:
You focus on the core regrets that matter to most people—education, career, health, relationships—and ignore everything else.
What does that mean? It means you spend time and effort to anticipate and reduce the chance of these core regrets. It also means you should satisfice in other areas.
So, if it’s a matter of marriage, education, career, etc. think very carefully and take your time. But, if it’s deciding what holiday to take, which movie to watch, or what to order for lunch, just act and move on.
b) Personal values approach
A more focused and customized approach is to make decisions based on your values.
As discussed earlier in this book, if your life is misaligned with your values, you will be miserable and will accumulate regrets. If you live as closely as possible to your values (especially your top three values) then the chances of any major regret (barring sheer bad luck) are far less.
11. Big picture
It’s not that we should live without any regrets. The point is not to overthink and sink into depression, self-loathing, etc. We need to forgive ourselves.
More importantly, we must learn from the regrets and move on. Regrets should also remind us that we are all human and we can do better.
Yes, regret may remind us of our not-so-great past. But, as I say a great future doesn’t require a great past.
12. Book recommendation
For a deeper dive into how regret can work for you, get hold of Daniel Pink’s The Power of Regret. It’s based on research and is a quality read.
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